Listen to the audio version of this post here.

Are you sure you don’t do speaking?

People often tell me they don’t do any speaking, so there’s no need to be concerned about getting better at it.

They have a low profile job, they certainly don’t plan to run for office, they’re not the leader of anything … they just don’t see the need to talk to a group of people at once.

Until they do.

Here’s the thing. Life brings us all kinds of opportunities to connect with an audience and make a point or three. And while we might think about presentation skills as a facet of our professional life, we actually need those skills in many other contexts.

Like, say, a wedding …

My nephew just got married. It was a fabulous experience in so many ways. And between the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, and the reception, I noticed how many people wound up with speaking parts in the event.

The bride and groom said their vows, of course. A stepsister and an aunt read poems that captured something of the moment.

The wedding planner gave directions at the rehearsal. The officiant led us through the ceremony and said a prayer as we sat down to dinner afterwards.

The best man and maid of honor offered toasts that included cute stories about their longtime friendships with the happy couple. The groom’s father and the bride’s mother offered their own stories and toasts of celebration.

Do all those individuals think of themselves as talented public speakers? No. Do all of them seize every opportunity to talk to an audience? Probably not.

And … this was a huge milestone in the lives of the bride and groom and their families and friends. It was a blessing that everyone could do their part.

Those occasions come up for all of us, don’t they? Weddings, funerals, the Little League awards dinner … you name the event. Sometimes, we have to speak whether we think we’re good at it or not.

So here are some suggestions you can use when the time comes.

Be Present.

Ground yourself – sense your feet on the floor. Be fully in your body. Feel the energy in your lower belly – your center of gravity. Let that energy move you and move through you.

Be You.

Instead of a speech, presentation or performance – think conversation. Use natural language. Stay away from sounding stiff or formal. Let them see you as you really are.

Forget about having to speak like anyone else. Make your voice, gestures and facial expression congruent with your content and your personality. Audiences sniff out phoniness; when they find it, they tune out.

Be with them.

Make full-frontal eye contact with the individuals in your audience. Remember to smile. No lectern, no table – no barrier between you and them. Use “we” – make yourself part of the group.

Use names if you know them. Each person you mention becomes a proxy for everyone else.  If you don’t know names, learn some. Get out of your head and into theirs. Drop self-consciousness. Know when – and how – to use audience interaction. Refer to shared experiences.

If there’s an elephant in the room, pet it.  Weird things happen sometimes; acknowledge them. Then they become part of the shared experience that brings all of you together.

Be in command.

Plant yourself, pause, and only then start to speak. Take up space. Use open, expansive postures and gestures. Take your time, don’t rush. Make them hang on every word. Imagine yourself as the captain of this ship.

Be intentional.

Move with purpose. Act as if, even only for a moment, you own the stage. (Because you do.) No swaying or shuffling – stillness can be very powerful. Use gestures that convey meaning.  And avoid the aimless energy spillers (fiddling with jewelry or a clicker, tapping, touching your face or hair).

Be heard.

Speak from your core; breathe fully to support the sound. Pause to give your words weight. The pause is the “white space” that lets your meaning sink in. Those moments of silence convey confidence, comfort, and command.

You know those people? Who say everything as if it’s a question? They never put a period on a sentence? And they sound like they don’t know what they’re talking about? Don’t be one of those.

Be the expert.

You do know what you’re talking about. Don’t be shy about sharing that. Give them solid information; it will make them want more. Talk about the results you’ve created. And make those stories, and all of your stories, as vivid as you can.

Be a leader.

Full-frontal eye contact conveys command as well as connection. Tell your audience what you want them to do. They can’t follow if you don’t lead.

The next time you step to the front of the room, you’ll know what to do.

Hang onto these suggestions and review them before you give a toast or an award … or you thank someone for the toast they gave or the award you got.

And in the meantime, add a comment on the blog and tell us about the circumstances that put you, ready or not, in the speaker’s spot.