Did you catch the news that 60% of male managers are now uncomfortable in ordinary business activities with women? They worry about mentoring a woman, working alone with a woman, or eating a business dinner with a woman.
The research from LeanIn.org found senior men are way more likely to hesitate about doing any of those things with a woman versus a man who shares her level of experience.
Really? What are these guys afraid of?
The specter of a sexual harassment allegation apparently haunts male executives. They blame their heebie-jeebies on #MeToo.
They’re nervous that something they say or do will be misinterpreted. Or that their female colleague will just out-and-out lie, accuse them of something they didn’t do and get them in trouble.
More than a third of the men say they’ve avoided mentoring women or socializing with female colleagues because they were nervous about how it would look to colleagues, clients, and the little lady back home.
Okay, I’m kidding about the last part. Just because a guy refuses to align with advancement for women, it doesn’t mean he’s backward enough to call his wife “the little lady.”
My friends are more enlightened. Or not…
Surely, I thought, the men I know aren’t preoccupied with avoiding sexual harassment allegations by simply avoiding women at work.
Well, maybe a few of them are. Here’s what they told me on Facebook:
- “Unfortunately in the era of MeToo, no man is safe from false allegations.”
- “The upside just isn’t there for him. Meanwhile, the downside is disastrous for him and his family.”
- “There are way too many instances of false allegations for men not to be leery these days.”
- “Trust us on this-It happens. And it only takes once. Not worth the risk. As a man in the workplace, here is what you say to your co-workers: ‘Good morning’ and ‘See you tomorrow.’ Nothing else.”
- “It is not out of the realm of possibility for a young woman to use the current climate against a man to extract benefits from the company, ruining the man’s life in the process…the men who are now avoiding being alone with young women are being completely rational.”
Some men see it differently.
- “I never had any issues with dealing one to one with women. Given that nearly half of all attorneys are women, it would be impossible for me to work if I did not meet with women.”
- “Treat everyone with the respect they deserve and there should be no problems.”
- “If men treat their women colleagues as they treat their male colleagues there shouldn’t be a problem. Or fall back on the old adage about treating all women the way you would treat your mother or sister.”
- “From my perspective, it’s not about gender but more so about the caliber of the people involved.”
- “Men And Women Can Work Together In The Office As Long As They COMMUNICATE!”
And what do women have to say?
- “Sounds like another excuse to keep women down, no meeting, no chance of being in the know of what is happening. Don’t let the male ego dominate the situation.”
- “Oh for Pete’s Sake! I read these comments and just face palm! I managed a retail store with 60 employees, many male. I was alone with them all the time. Men and women absolutely can work together.”
- “I wish Facebook would add an eye roll button. Regarding the supposed trust issues/legal concerns brought up in this thread…that’s total rubbish.”
Who’s losing out here?
50% of men say that the consequences of sexual harassment are more damaging to the harassers than to those who are patronized, patted or propositioned.
The truth is, whether it’s real anxiety or a cynical smokescreen, this fear of interacting with women at work is a big barrier—for women.
LeanIn’s Sheryl Sandberg points out, “The vast majority of managers and senior leaders are men. If they are reluctant to even meet one-on-one with women, there’s no way women can get an equal shot at proving themselves.”
The reluctance to fully engage with female colleagues hurts companies too. As Sandberg says, “There’s not a company in the world that can afford to leave talent on the sidelines because it’s female.”
Aside from taking full advantage of the talent they have, LeanIn’s president says businesses benefit by hiring and promoting women. “When they employ more women, sexual harassment is less prevalent. And when women hold more leadership roles, profits are higher and workplace policies are more generous. Supporting women makes companies stronger and safer.”
You may be quaking in your boots about some woman saying something about you. Or maybe you think it’s possible for men and women to work together, support each other and create successful and profitable businesses.
Post a comment below and share your perspective.
My experience is that It is used as another corporate ‘tool’. #MeToo is abused by puppet management to achieve iniquitous objectives. There are also the wayward souls who immediately identified with the movement for personal gain. I’ve experienced this fallout and empathize with male managers who express such “heebie-Jeebies”.
Addressing workplace sexual harassment before Harvey Weinstein was a joke. The pendulum has swung the other way now, and we haven’t even come close to the equilibrium. I try not to kid myself, there are plenty of male chauvinists and misandrists out there. Sadly, it’s not a question of aligning with a member of the opposite sex for their advancement, for that 60% it’s a matter of self-preservation.
Most of what Sandberg points out rings true. It is also true that there are few companies in the world that will not exploit the #MeToo ‘opportunity’ to its advantage, it’s a safe bandwagon to get on. For example, the point that employing more women results in stronger and safer companies can be spun another way; supporting women makes companies less litigious.
For my whole career, I’ve supported men and women working together, creating successful and profitable businesses. This was the post- ‘Mad Men’ era.
Thank you, Jeff, for supporting men and women working together! It seems to me it’s not that hard. I worked with mostly-men for years–they weren’t all angels, but for the most part, we got along fine and had fun in the process. (Don’t get me started on sexism in the broadcasting business–but that was more institutional than the fault of any one jock or newsguy.)
Your reference to Mad Men adds another whole element to the discussion. You go that far back, and it’s a wonder women made any professional progress at all, isn’t it? Yikes!
It’s no wonder to me Catherine, I owe my professional career to a couple of the best women coaches anyone could ever have. They each ruled a male-dominated world, and neither would hide behind a movement in order to succeed. My point is that there are males who do use #MeToo to manipulate their agenda and status, and there are females who cry wolf and are oblivious to the consequences. I suspect the 60% who play it safe, get this.
A friend told me about a company that now forbids shaking hands as part of its sexual harassment policy. Research shows this is one of the key ways we determine trustworthiness and competence with people we don’t know.
Yes: where’s that “eye roll” emoji!
I gotcha covered, Lynne: ???? Company bigwigs can be so stupid.
Hi Catherine. I’m a young female project manager in a male-dominated industry (IT) and I meet often with both men and women (but mostly men, just because of the gender disparity). I also meet often with my manager (who is open about his open-door policy) to discuss career development, department goals, work performance, and to ask him for guidance at this early point in my career.
I never thought this was an issue, but recently I became aware of a rumor that the only reason I was promoted to my current position is because I slept with my manager. I was shocked – I didn’t think this kind of thing happened anymore. I was crushed, partially because I thought people would recognize my stellar job performance and suitability to the role, but also because it turned out the person who started this rumor is (what I thought was) a close male colleague and friend.
I wanted to bring a female perspective that recognizes the nuances of this complicated issue. I personally believe(d?) that neither men nor women should be uncomfortable about meeting with someone and how it would appear. Now, though, I feel differently, and I think I’m a bit more jaded for it.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, C. And my guess is it has nothing to do with the meetings you had with your manager or anything else you did. People have been saying that kind of thing about young women for decades, based on their own jealousy. “She got something I didn’t get—she must be sleeping with the boss.”
I hope the jadedness will wear off as you continue in your career. Yes, expecting the worst can inoculate a person against disappointment—but in the long run, it saps your energy.
That actually sounds like something a female would say about a female colleague rather than a man. It appears you are not sure of the source but nevertheless implicitly blame men. Sexist?
I call BS on those men AND the companies that allow them to use that excuse. True leaders and real HR professionals will strongly encourage them to change – which we all know is nearly impossible for chauvinistic dinosaurs! If leaders can’t make them extinct -by letting them go or shifting them out of supervisory positions – they must find other mentors for women in their organizations, using outside resources. Commitment to that effort is demonstrated by covering expenses associated with that professional development. And women must recognize the behavior and stop waiting for those people to change – start working around it immediately or leave that organization.
You’re so right about finding a work-around in the form of professional development, Anne Marie. An internal mentor is so valuable. And, if those guys won’t step up, bringing in an executive coach or consultant is smart. Even joining a professional association can help — there may be mentors to be found there.
Nothing is foolproof. The key is to know your audience. Don’t put yourself in a compromising position that could jeopardize your integrity or reputation. Until you feel you really know someone, don’t act or say anything that could be questionable. There’s a time to be a mentor and there’s a time to be a “pal.” Know your relationship with the person. I wouldn’t hesitate to mentor a female today.
I’m glad you’re not one of those guys holding back, Tom. And I’m bothered by this “compromising position” thing. It appears som men have decided a meeting with a woman = a compromising position. That makes it tough for women to grow professionally, maybe even to do their jobs. There are enough obstacles in some industries without that. Not that I have any experience working in a male-dominated industry 😉
So, men should meet with women as they had before the #metoo movement? How does a male defend himself against a swearing contest, especially in this era where we must #believeallwomen? The only other option I see is to video record all such interactions. Those runaway torpedoes that circle back around are a bitch.
Where are all these litigious, lying females with whom some of the male responders are so afraid?
I was quite successful in a male-dominated business for 30 years. Did I get “hit on” occasionally? Yes. I might have been offended if I hadn’t been. It never occurred to me to file suit!
It occurred to me to stand my ground and set appropriate boundaries. I did it in individual meetings in the same way that I did it in the boardroom. When asked to take notes in a board meeting because “the secretary” was out sick, I simply replied, “No one, including me, will be able to read my notes. Someone else should take that job.” Same kind of reply for inappropriate behavior in private.
A millennial friend of mine is a hostess in an upscale Vegas casino. Her 3rd interview for the job included showing up in a bikini and being in a room with 30 leering men for half an hour. Sounds horrible! But she wanted the job and that’s exactly what she would face in the casino! She didn’t have to provide any other “services” But she did need to show how she would handle a variety of situations in the workplace. She’s been employed now for a couple of years…and made this choice because it affords her the best opportunity to make a very comfortable living for herself and her family!
Other than in news reports, I simply haven’t found the women who are so litigious they’re leaving men afraid of a meeting…unless there is an actual problem.
The women I know seem to have a pretty good handle on the male-female dynamic and generally navigate the waters well. People could think the men who are afraid…have something in their own thoughts or behavior to fear.
The fear of fake allegations does seem exaggerated, Karen — and I heard that from some women as well as men. It’s just not that easy to file a complaint with HR and go through that cumbersome process and be quizzed and doubted. It’s hard for me to believe that women do that just for sport. Or to torpedo some guy’s career.
I probably shouldn’t be surprised, but I was, about somebody asking you to be the stenographer in a meeting. Those broadcasting boys …
You overlooked the third and fourth options: (3) advancement of one’s own career by stigmatizing the competition as a sexist, misogynist harasser and (4) and advantageous monetary settlement.
Mature men and women can work together and a lot has to do with the caliber of the people you associate with. There is always the hidden agendas and low hanging fruit and we should just avoid those people whether they are men or women. In the workplace there are always those that are jealous of success of others and will be more than happy to start a rumor such in the case of one of your other readers here that made the comment, I suspect that person was jealous because she was promoted for skills and he was not promoted because of lack of skills. Remain respectful, stay focused on the actual work at hand, and avoid any risky behaviors in the workplace because, it usually never turns out good.
“It usually never turns out good” — words to live by, Cindy. In a different era, office romances could (occasionally) have happy endings. And of course people got away with sexual harassment, many of them for years. That’s all changing, however slowly, and for the most part that’s a good thing. I agree with you that adults ought to be able to work together if we remain respectful, stay focused on the work, and I would add, communicate directly to resolve whatever issues come up among us.
Two comments, Karen,
First, you ask, “where are all these litigious, lying females with whom some of the male responders are so afraid?” You then state that
“other than in news reports, I simply haven’t found the women who are so litigious they’re leaving men afraid of a meeting…unless there is an actual problem.”
Where else would you expect to find them? By doing a courthouse-by-courthouse search?
Are you not familiar with Harvey Weinstein, Tony Robbins, Ben Affleck, Bryan Singer, Al Franken, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Louis C.K., Brett Kavanaugh, Nick Carter, Les Moonves, Sylvester Stallone, Jeremy Piven, Jamie Foxx, Rep. John Conyers, Morgan Freeman, Tom Brokaw, Charlie Rose, Glenn Thrush, Bill O’Reilly, Ryan Seacrest, Chuck Close, Corey Lewandowski, Mario Batali, Matt Lauer, Garrison Keillor, Richard Branson, and Kevin Spacey.
The 27 I’ve named are merely the alleged abusers or harassers who have attracted a fair amount of publicity. Is that enough to convince you that men (and I’m sure many of the 27 are guilty as charged) have a legitimate concern about meeting alone with women?
It appears as though another one of Captain Tupelov’s torpedoes has circled back around. Women complain about sexual harassment (justifiably most of the time), but then also whine when men take steps (ala Vice President Mick Pence) to avoid being placed in the unenviable position of a “he said / she said” swearing contest
That leads to my second comment. I applaud how you have handled instances where you were “hit on.” You stood your ground and set boundaries. It is a mystery to me why all women don’t do that. Women never had a problem putting me in my place when I’ve made an and awkward and unwelcome come on. You could write a strong argument for patriarchy using only the things feminists say about the fragility of women.