The question is whether you’re using the power of your voice. More and more, it seems, many of us aren’t.
A text is so easy, or an email. And often, in our haste to get a message across, we go for the quick and easy instead of a conversation that might take time and energy. And yet, we can make so much more impact when we talk to someone.
You know how it is. A friend gets an exciting new job. Lands a big client. Or meets a promising potential romantic partner. You say, “How wonderful!” “That’s fabulous news!” “You must be so happy! And I’m happy for you.” And—deep inside, in your heart of hearts—you’re struggling to keep that smile on your face. Thinking about your own situation. And wishing it were you with a new job, a big client, or a budding romantic relationship. Well. It turns out, if we can find a way to be genuinely happy for a friend who shares good news, we will be happier in general.
Crisis Communications is a well-established field, at this point, with thousands of practitioners ready to help a company that gets in hot water get back out again. Or at least turn down the temperature.The experts offer all kinds of direction for handling a snafu. You can read articles or whole books on the subject. Attend two-hour workshops or week-long seminars. Consult one authority after another. Most of it boils down to this …
Maybe I should just quit. Maybe you should, too. Quitting still has a bad name in our culture, even after a worldwide pandemic persuaded a bunch of us that maybe it was time to move on from unsatisfying jobs. Meanwhile, millions of us hang on to a job we hate, a relationship that stopped being satisfying years ago, or a hobby that’s lost its luster. Our bias against quitting shows up in less consequential matters, too.
You know me. Some people write about gratitude this time of year. I write about communication. Specifically, about how easy it is to go wrong when we’re speaking to attract clients or referrals, get a promotion, or land a brand new job. In any of those situations, we want the audience to think we know our stuff. We hope they believe we’re experts they can trust. And we want them to like us too.
One sure way to have a more powerful, professional presence is to fully occupy our space. And we can’t possibly do that if we’re slouching or slumping or hunching. Sitting at a conference table, or at our desk in front of a Zoom screen, we make a stronger impression when we’re grounded, centered, and upright. That means both feet are flat on the floor and our seat is firmly in the chair. Our spine is straight, our shoulders are back and down, and we hold our head up high. It’s probably not a surprise that the men in a meeting are more likely than women to take up space. Sometimes to a fault.
Love him or loathe him, you have to admit Donald Trump is brilliant at capturing attention, creating enthusiasm, and generating solid, unwavering support from a big chunk of the American electorate. He vanquished a boatload of primary opponents and he’s held his own against Hillary Clinton. All that in spite of editorials blasting him, commercials calling him names, and well-reasoned critiques from Republicans who by rights should be on his side. What gives?
We need to show up. Women of “a certain age” often complain that they’ve somehow become invisible. You’ll hear 44-year-olds say nobody notices them anymore! I’m saying we don’t have to settle into invisibility, no matter how many years we have behind us. There are steps we can take on the outside and on the inside to make sure we’re seen and heard. We can make the kind of impact we’ve always made. Get noticed the way we always have. And let go of the impulse to hide our age from the rest of the world.
I’m recovering from surgery. If all went according to plan, I have a couple of newly realigned vertebrae, with pins to keep them where they belong as they heal. Fortunately, I also have meds to keep me from crawling the walls while that healing happens. Spinal surgery is a little scary. It’s been four years since my last experience with post-surgical rehab and my observations about how easily we can catch each other’s moods, for better or worse. And emotional states are contagious You know how you’ll see someone yawn and right away yawn yourself? The same thing goes on with facial expressions, even quick, subtle ones. Postures, gestures, and tones of voice can have similar impact.
People assigned to talk with a stranger enjoy themselves more than those who keep themselves to themselves. Yes, even self-described introverts tended to have a better time than they would have predicted when they break the ice and start a conversation. When it comes to these ordinary interactions in our daily lives, in general, folks underestimate how much they’ll enjoy longer talks. They underestimate how much they’ll enjoy deeper exchanges. And they underestimate how much they’ll like the person they’re talking to. And get this. People even underestimated how positive a compliment would make the other person feel.
