Ask for help. Many of us find it excruciatingly difficult to ask those others for that help. We grew up in a culture steeped in SELF-help, didn’t we? We’re supposed to be able to figure things out for ourselves, do the work by ourselves, and accomplish our goals by ourselves. And some of us are so averse to asking for help, we would rather give up the quest for success than look for a boost. If we can’t do it alone, we just don’t do it. That is a mistake.
Becoming a Middler – Are you a middler? Do you want to be? I wasn’t enthusiastic about the name, myself. “Middler” sounds, well, average. Maybe even a little bit boring. The idea behind it intrigues me though. I came across “middler” in Priya Parker’s Substack. You might know of Parker from her book The Art of Gathering. “A great middler isn’t necessarily the funniest person at the table,” she explains, “or even the best storyteller. Instead of making sure that they’re interesting, they make the group interesting. Larry David describes a middler as a point guard distributing the ball.” I don’t know from basketball. I had to Google “point guard” to figure out what that person does on a team. I get the concept of making the group interesting, though. That’s a gift! Or maybe it’s a skill that any of us can develop.
Keep the Ball Rolling – There I was in the fitness center at my new home, thinking about you. You might know I’ve just moved out of my Chicago bungalow after 42 years (!) and into an apartment in a beautiful suburban building. I’m eager to get to know my new neighbors. That’s why I was so happy to chat with one of those neighbors when I got on the elliptical machine next to his. I could tell you a lot about Harold—when he moved in, where he lived before, where each of his kids lives, which part of the year he’s here and when he leaves for a warmer spot, how old he is, and … well, you get the idea. What do you suppose Harold knows about me after our chat on the elliptical machines? That’s right. Nothing. Harold forgot about taking turns.
Where are you shining your spotlight? It showed up again the other night. A friend was telling me a story as we sat at the restaurant, and her eyes never met mine. From the moment she began to describe what happened, she gazed up and to the right, disconnecting from me. It’s a common habit. It might be yours. Here’s why it’s a problem. Imagine your face as a spotlight. Every time you start a conversation you shine that spotlight somewhere. You’ll have more impact if you shine it on the people you’re talking with.
Let us finish. Isn’t it frustrating when you’re trying to make a point in a meeting and somebody cuts you off? Chances are you know that feeling well. Especially if you’re a woman. Maybe you’ve seen the essay floating around social media about women being interrupted more often than men. It cites research in conference rooms and classrooms, and even the Supreme Court chambers.
The female justices are interrupted nearly four times as often as their judicial brethren.
