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Can you command a room?

“I’m not a speaker,” you say? Yeah, yeah, yeah, people tell me that all the time.

And then they tell me about doing a eulogy. Or a wedding toast. Or making the case for that playground project at their PTA meeting.

Not to mention job interviews, sales conversations, and supporting your opinion when your team gets together at work.

I heard from a lot of you the other day about all the kinds of speaking you do, even though you don’t think of yourself as “a speaker.”

In any of those situations and more, it’ll be to your advantage if you can command the room. Here are a few ways to exhibit that command.

Ground yourself.

That means you’re firmly planted whether you’re standing at the front of the room or sitting at a conference table. Donna reminded me that I’d told her years ago to focus on grounding all four corners of each foot rather than standing mainly on the balls of her feet.

That suggestion comes in handy when she’s singing in her church choir as well as in business meetings. Something to consider: it’s easier to do in flat shoes.

If you’re seated, being grounded means your weight is evenly distributed over your whole tush; you’re not sitting on one cheek or the other. And both feet are in front of you, flat on the floor.

Occupy your space.

Your shoulders are back and down, not hunched or rolled forward. Arms loose at your side—you’ll be using them as you gesture. You’re breathing fully and deeply into your core. And your head is straight up and down above your shoulders, avoiding that head tilt that signals low power or even submission.

Of course, your whole body will move as you speak. You might shake your head, or shrug your shoulders, or lean toward listeners on one side of you. You’ll certainly gesture to support what you’re saying verbally.

The idea isn’t to be stiff and still. It’s to start from a grounded, centered position that sets the tone for commanding the room.

Pause for a beat.

So many of us are uncomfortable with even a moment of silence. We rush right into our talk, often speaking quite quickly. It makes us seem nervous, uneasy.

Instead, take a breath. Let that nervous energy settle. Then, when you’re ready to speak in a comfortable, measured way, begin your presentation.

Speak from your core.

Because you’re breathing fully and deeply, your voice is supported so it sounds rich and full. When we’re nervous, we tense up, breathe more shallowly, and our voice sounds thin or tight or tinny.

Bringing the energy up from your core, letting your voice come up and out and fill the room—that makes you sound comfortable, confident, and in command.

The speed of our speech will vary, naturally. Denise says she tends to speed up when she’s in front of a group, “probably because I have a lot to say and I am anxious about forgetting something important.”

She’s not alone, is she?

About that anxiety. I have three suggestions for you.

Being fully present in this space at this time is an antidote to anxiety. If you’re grounding yourself, fully occupying your space, and breathing, the whirl of what-if nervousness will begin to settle.

Think of your anxiety as energy instead of nerves. You need energy when you’re speaking—and your listeners certainly want to feel that energy. Instead of framing it as a negative, use your energy to connect with your audience. Extra energy is a good thing, not a failure.

Focus more on your audience than on yourself. When you put your attention on the people listening to you, when you deeply wish to connect with them and inform or influence them, you can relax a little bit about whether each word is perfect and every hair is in place.

Know something about that audience before you speak.

Not an issue if you’re at a conference table in your office—you work with these people!

But if you’re speaking at a memorial service, a professional association, or a civic meeting at your local library, it pays to observe and learn before you speak.

These people you’re about to talk to. Are they older or younger or a mixed group? Men, women, or both? Professionals in your field or a collection of strangers related only by their zip code? How much do they already know—and care—about your subject?

You might ask a meeting host or event organizer for some information in advance. Or you can talk to your listeners directly. Kris tells me, “When possible, I take time for some small talk with a few audience members as they are entering the event.” So smart.

Make eye contact with individuals in your audience.

You hear this from me all the time. (I see that eye-roll 🙄) So I don’t need to go into a lot of detail about how important eye contact is. I feel duty-bound to mention it, though, as long as we’re on the subject of commanding a room.

I was at a meeting few days ago as a speaker was telling a story. It was interesting enough, sometimes humorous, and relevant to us listeners. And yet … something was missing. It was him!

The guy wasn’t really talking to me. Or to anyone else sitting at those tables, either. He was sort of speaking to the room, or maybe to the wall at the back of the room, or maybe to himself! It felt more like a performance than a conversation.

I’d encourage you to keep conversation in mind when you’re speaking. Even if you’re the only one whose lips are moving at the moment, you’ll make a better connection with your audience that way.

And comfortable eye contact with the individuals listening to you will help you get there.

Helpful tips? Let me know how you’ll put them into action.