The audience laughed when I told them about that woman who informed me with a big smile, “I read your little thingy every week.”
Chances are, they were laughing as much at my outraged expression as at the notion of my “little thingy.
This thingy is anything but little. It’s a big commitment to write to you every week. And I’ve kept that commitment for nearly five years now. This email shows up in your inbox every Wednesday, no matter what.
And based on the feedback I get, my newsletters sometimes have a big impact on people who read them. Chef Vahé Mekhitarian commented on Facebook the other day that he keeps them all in a file. And he’s not the first person who’s told me he hangs onto these articles for future reference.
So why would anyone refer to my newsletter as “little?”
I’m saying it’s a gender thing.
I brought up the issue with my friends at Shape Corp. when I was there to talk about having a more powerful presence as part of their International Women’s Day event.
They agreed with my point: it’s bad enough that “little” comes up in a conversation about my newsletter. It’s worse when women use “little” to talk about themselves and the work they do. And you hear that a lot.
Minimizing language saps our strength. It keeps us from sounding smart and certain of our position, communicating our value, making a potent impression on the people we engage with.
And too many women are downplaying their worth too often.
Not long ago I heard a speaker offer “a little handout.” Another told us she had “a little exercise” for us to do. Women are all the time announcing that they have “a little idea” or they’re working on “a little project.” Or they have “a little suggestion” for you.
Does that sound familiar?
For the love of God, People. It’s your work. Stop calling it “little.”
And that goes for my work too, please. I produce an insightful and often entertaining article for you every week. Not a “little thingy.”
When I coach clients who want to make a bigger impact in the world, this minimizing language is one of the first things we tackle. And I can tell you – it is never an issue with my clients who are men.
Men just don’t refer to their work—or any other part of them—as “little.” (Don’t you s’pose they’re more likely to describe it all as “yuuuuuge?”)
What’s the big deal about a “little” word?
I can promise you this. If you tell us your service, your expertise or the product you offer is insignificant or unimportant, we will believe you.
And maybe without even consciously knowing why, we will dismiss you. We’ll choose someone else who sounds more self-assured, more confident of their value, maybe even more competent.
One thing I’ve discovered with my clients: they’re often unaware of habits like calling their work “little.” So you might tune into your own language. Or ask a friend to listen for minimizing words like “little,” “just,” and “only” when you’re speaking. Or if you have a recording of yourself, listen to that and see if you hear yourself playing down your accomplishments with that kind of language.
And please, you don’t have to overcompensate with self-aggrandizement. I’m not advocating that we boast about ourselves or throw our weight around or exaggerate our importance. That doesn’t do us any good either.
But talk about what you do–everything you do–as if it matters.
Because it does.
Post a comment below to share a story about the words you use and the changes you’re going to make in your language.
Great article! I’m sharing it with my daughter!
Yes, please, Jeanette! This “little” thing is a big issue for young women.
Another EXCELLENT piece of advice Catherine, thank you. And thank you for your wonderful weekly newsletters, it is obvious that a lot of thought and work go into them!
This particular point popped into my consciousness recently when I was telling someone about my new yoga class and almost called it my little project … I have long been aware of the power of words and my tendency to minimize myself along with my accomplishments but there it was again. Changing that at every level is an ongoing project – a big one that I’m very excited about!!!
This minimizing our work (and our worth) is insidious, Linda — it’s SO easy to slip into just-ing and little-ing. Mountain Pose is an antidote. When we stand tall and strong and grounded, we lay claim to our value.
Only those lacking the courage and/or intellect to speak publicly and publish a weekly newsletter like yours would label it a “little thingy.” The ratio of 10:1 prep time to delivery time of a quality speech (or written article) hold true as anyone who has engaged in these activities can attest. The words we speak have consequences and it is inadvisable to run the mouth before the brain is engaged. Keep up the good work, Catherine. Many of us appreciate and benefit from it.
You’re a sweetheart, Tom. I always hope that someone benefits from what I write. And I feel strongly that this calling-our-work-“little” business makes it less likely that people will take us seriously and hire us or buy from us.
Great topic. Words are important. This fits right in with what Karen Hand writes about in her book “Magic Words and Language Patterns”.
It’s no wonder Karen Hand and I were such good business partners, right, Greg?
yes indeed!
Well I don’t have a story to share but I will say this: words matter. I learned that years ago when I was an executive in the pharma industry. I do train my team of hair stylists that concept today. We women must speak up for ourselves and our accomplishments. Hurray for Catherine! You go girl!
Thanks, Gale! Your stylists are lucky to have your mentoring…and your speaking-up example.
Great article Catherine. As a writer, I not only appreciate your words but understand the difficulty in delivering an insightful blog on a regular basis. Keep up the great work. It’s no little thingy.
Thanks, Rod. Yes, the weekly commitment is a big thing. I’m delighted with the recognition from an actual, professional writer!
I laughed at this one! So true, and yes, your work is neither little or a thingy! I would have loved to see the look on your face when she said that. Thank you for your weekly reminders to live out loud!!!
Exactly, Ellen. My work is not little … and neither is yours. I have a big wish for women to step into their value and own it. In a BIG way.
Reading this made me realize how many ‘diminutive’ words I use to make myself smaller… “kind of”, “maybe”, “a bit”, etc. Thanks for bringing my awareness to this!
Stefanie, you’re by no means alone. This is a huge issue for women, especially, who are out to have more impact at work (or anywhere else). If you’re a Gmail user, there’s an app that helps you eliminate those words from your emails. You might want to check it out. (And, you’re welcome!)