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How curious are you?

There it was. In boldface. Your curiosity is more appealing than your accomplishments.

“Amen to that,” I thought.

The article in The New York Times was not about networking, or sales, or business success. It was about romance.

“Seven Ways to Love Better” was the title—the author is the guy who writes their Modern Love column, and has been for twenty years, this week. I confess, I almost never read it. I might start now, though.

Because Daniel Jones’s prescription for loving better has implications for all kinds of relationships, not just the romantic ones.

In fact, my first thought was about a young man in a workshop last week.

His networking mission seemed to be telling us all about himself, his business, and his history in the most flattering light. He looked shocked at my suggestion that most people aren’t much interested in our achievements, at least until they have an idea of what those skills and abilities might mean for them.

Not to pick on the poor guy too much though; most people in the room seemed incredulous when I asked them to focus their message first on their audience instead of their own name, their company name, and how long they’ve been in the business.

After all, that me-me-me-I-I-I is their habitual way of introducing themselves.

It’s worth noting though that several of them referred to it as their “schpiel.”  Let me ask you, as I asked them. How much do you enjoy hearing “a speech, especially one that is long and spoken quickly, and is intended to persuade the person about something: a sales schpiel.”

I’m picturing you wrinkling your nose and turning away, just thinking about it.

So, if we don’t want to listen to a schpiel, why would we even think about delivering one when we get the opportunity to engage with someone who might turn out to be a client, customer, or referral source?

We’re better off to turn our attention to the audience instead.

And that takes us back to curiosity. Now, I’ll acknowledge there are definite limits to where we go with that in a business meeting.

The NYT article pointed to one of “Modern Love’s” most popular columns over the last two decades. It offered 36 questions that lead to love. Most of them we would be reluctant to ask in a professional setting.

“When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”

“Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

“What do you value most in a friendship?

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?”

You get the picture. They may indeed be questions that lead to a deepening romance and even love, but we can imagine unintended consequences for bringing them up at our next networking meeting.

The basic idea applies though.

When we offer a schpiel about ourselves and our business, we may not find much interest. When we turn the spotlight around and shine it on our listeners, we draw them in and make them want to know more about us.

As Daniel Jones put it, “being curious about people you meet is far more seductive than talking about your accomplishments. So, skip the self-promotion. Be curious instead.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. And I’d love to hear how you say it. Please tell us in the comments section below.