Listen to the audio version of this post here.

How to Tell Them Just Enough

You know I’m fascinated by words. I’m always happy to learn a new one. And this one particularly delighted me.

Breviloquent.

We can guess straight away what it means, can’t we? But just in case, Wordsmith tells us “breviloquent” is an adjective meaning: Using few words.

It comes from Latin brevis (short) and loqui (to speak). And it’s been part of the English language since at least 1865, although it’s not a word that’s bandied about much, is it?

Of course, it attracted me though—I’m always one for getting to the point. And I’m also a word nerd, as my subscription to Wordsmith’s A.Word.A.Day newsletter suggests.

It’s not likely that I’ll be reminding clients to be more breviloquent. We do focus on brevity though.

It’s not just about keeping their talk short, however.

The real issue isn’t clock time, it’s value.

You could speak for 45 minutes and keep your audience captivated until the very end. On the other hand, three minutes can strike our listeners as way, way too long.

The issue is making our words count. And of course, leaving out the words that don’t count.

How do we do that?

Put yourself in your listener’s place.

Do they really need to know every last detail of a conversation or an event to appreciate the humor or irony or impact, whatever you’re trying to convey in talking about it? They probably don’t.

A salient detail or two can bring your story to life and really engage your listener. But go into too much of the backstory and you’ll see their eyes glaze over as they pretend to care about what you’re saying.

Think through the message you want to convey, the state you hope to create in your listener. Then decide what you can leave out for the benefit of maintaining their interest.

Pay attention to the clues they give you.

Communication is always two-way, even if you’re the only one talking at the moment. Keep an eye on the people doing the listening for hints about how they’re listening.

• Are they leaning in or backing away?
• Folding their arms across their chest?
• Crossing their legs and shifting sideways away from you?
• Looking at you or off toward the ceiling? Or toward the floor, for that matter?
• Are they smiling, or grimacing, or rolling their eyes in a way that suggests they got your real meaning, and they’re with you?
• Those are all clues about how they’re receiving your message … and whether it’s time for you to wrap it up and let them talk.

What if you’re on the phone or on a video platform but with the cameras off? Be sure you listen! And not just to the sound of your own voice.

Not long ago, I asked Zoom for an AI transcript of a conversation so I could write an article about it later. I was surprised, when I read the transcript, how often one of us said, “yeah,” “uh-huh,” “oh,” “really?” “I see,” “mmmmm,” and so on.

I hadn’t been aware of all that during the meeting. I certainly didn’t think of the crosstalk as interruptions.

To the contrary, reading it made it clear that those comments were affirmations. Each of them was a way we let the other person know, “I’m still with you,” “I’m listening,” “you can go on.”

When you stop getting those affirmations, you can guess your listener is ready for a break.

You could always ask.

Not everyone’s comfortable being so direct, but it’s kosher to just say something like, “Can I continue?” or “Can I flesh that out for you,” or something like that. Then they can open the door too more detail, the next step in a story, or an additional argument to support the case you’re making.

Or, they can close that door. “I think I’ve got it.” “That all makes sense.” “Let me share my experience.” There’s all kinds of language we use to tell someone, politely, to go ahead—or not.

The main thing is to keep them in mind.

It’s so easy, especially when we’re talking about something important to us, to get wrapped up in what we’re saying and let it become a long monologue.

We’ll have more success in our business conversations, and be more likeable in all our conversations, if we resist that impulse. And the more we practice breviloquence, the more natural and comfortable it becomes.

I’ll look forward to your thoughts—no matter how long they might be!  Tell us in a comment below.