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Made any New Friends Lately?

Some people are willing to settle for a deep relationship with Claude or whatever they’ve named their ChatGPT. Others are keen to develop human friendships.

And many of us feel the lack of relationship that seems to be so common these days. (See eleventy-dozen recent articles about The Loneliness Epidemic.)

That explains why The New York Times Style Magazine is telling us, “How to Make Friends as an Adult.” Their experts agree that friends offer support and invite possibility—we need them! Our friends help us stay grounded, expand our interests and desires, and have fun.

Some sociable writers and other creators offered suggestions for growing your circle of friends.

Go with your gut.

You know that feeling you get sometimes when you meet someone new—and you feel as if you’ve known them forever? Pay attention to that intuition.

That kind of connection doesn’t happen every day. And there’s potential for a real friendship there.

When you meet someone interesting, find a reason to follow up.

Text them the name of that book you talked about, or a link to an article about something that came up in your conversation.

And take the initiative to meet in the first place!

A Brooklyn writer was impressed when someone came up and introduced herself at an event. Making the first move like that works, she says, so don’t hold back. “You can be cool, or you can have people in your life who love you. Pick one.”

Do the inviting.

If your social calendar’s feeling a little sparse, it may mean you haven’t been taking the initiative. Host a party—and know that it doesn’t have to be a big, elaborate affair. Or suggest an evening at a movie or dinner at a restaurant.

The key is that you ask people to do something specific, as opposed to, “Let’s get together sometime.” Those vague suggestions reflect good intentions. And they usually don’t lead anywhere.

Be super thoughtful.

The author of Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close, Aminatou Sow, calls it making tiny romantic gestures for your friends. Dash off a quick note on a postcard from the restaurant you went to together. Send them a box of tea, a candle, or a book you know they’d like.

Anything that lets a person know you’ve thought about them is likely to make an impact.

Give a little grace.

So, they didn’t text you back the same day. Your voicemail fell through the cracks. They forgot to call on your birthday. Can you let it go?

Of course, you may want to move on from someone who always neglects your needs. No need to be a doormat.

But the experts say the occasional lapse or oversight is often not about disrespect or disinterest: “They genuinely have things going on.”

Those of us who are natural inviters/initiators/organizers do start to wonder sometimes about reciprocity. I mean, come on. Isn’t it their turn to reach out to me???

That doesn’t do us any good. As Sow told The Times, “If you’re doing something because it brings you joy, you can’t be keeping score.”

Remember what the Girl Scouts say.

You sang that song as a kid, right? “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other’s gold.”

I take that sentiment to heart. Developing new relationships is always important to me. And then so is that dinner with Wendy and Cindy.

I’d been surprised to see a picture of the two of them together on Facebook. I had history with both of them! So, I reached out and the three of us met at a Turkish restaurant last week.

Wendy said to me during dinner, “We haven’t seen each other in twenty years!” True enough. We worked together at a consulting firm in the early 2000s, my first post-radio gig. And when it caved in, we both moved on.

Cindy and I go back even farther. Broadcasting majors at Western Illinois. In the ‘70s. We’ve stayed in loose touch thanks to social media. And we’ve met up in person a few times in the past couple years. Enough for me to know that I enjoy her company.

The three of us had a great time together and we can’t wait to do it again. It felt as if we’d all been friends all along.

I hope you can use the advice from The Times about making new friends as an adult and take some encouragement from me to go ahead and connect with old friends. Classmates, former colleagues, that kid from your neighborhood you lost track of. It’s such fun to reconnect.

You know how to connect with me—just add a comment below.