You’d think everyone would want to be better at speaking. It’s such a fundamental skill, no matter what business you’re in. It’s also a very valuable one.
In fact, gazillionaire investor Warren Buffett says speaking is the most valuable skill any professional can develop. He says communicating better can elevate your value by 50%.
And a University of Illinois professor gets specific. Deirdre McCloskey says a Silicon Valley coder might earn $40-80,000 based on technical skills alone. But a coder who can also talk coherently and confidently with a client can earn up to $120,000. That’s a significant difference!
Comments like these are music to my ears and evidently, I’m not alone. When I posted an Inc. article quoting these experts on my Facebook page, my speaker friends were quick to click on “Like.” And many shared the piece with their friends.
But not everyone is so enthusiastic about standing up and speaking in front of their colleagues or clients or others.
I hear from people who want no part of speaking, much less of working to get better at it. Others think communication skills probably would be a good thing to master, but not if they have to spend time and money developing that mastery.
How about you? Are you eager for opportunities to share your expertise? Or are you one of those keeping a low profile? Do you prefer to be in the audience instead of in the spotlight? Have you passed up the chance to inform, influence or inspire a group?
You probably have a reason for holding back. Let me guess…
- You don’t need that kind of attention; you really don’t like to stand out.
- You had a terrible experience giving a speech, say, in seventh grade. Kids made fun of you, even the teacher laughed. Ever since then you’re mortified if you have to talk to a group.
- You might make a mistake or be unable to answer a question.
- Someone in the audience could disagree with your position or criticize you.
- They might find out you don’t know as much as they thought you knew.
- What if you forget what you were supposed to say?
- Once you saw a speaker freeze in front of the audience—you wouldn’t want that to happen to you.
It all comes down to fear, doesn’t it? Sometimes we have elaborate explanations for dodging a demand to share our thoughts with a group. We might call it nerves, or butterflies, or even glossophobia.
It’s all just one degree or another of raw fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of looking foolish. Fear that they won’t like us.
We’d all rather be liked than not—it’s in our DNA and it’s evolutionarily sound. In the early days, humans lived in groups to stay safe; they needed each other. Getting kicked out of the clan put a person at real risk from predators.
No need to go out and face a saber-toothed tiger alone. But what if taking the risk to stand out and speak up could bring you new clients? Or a promotion? Or financial reward? Wouldn’t it be worth getting over the fear?
Here are some ways to calm your nerves when it comes to speaking:
- Stay away from caffeine when you’re about to take your place at the front of the room.
- Move your body – walk around, do some arm circles, even jumping jacks. Anything to discharge energy and loosen up.
- Sense your feet on the floor. Ground yourself. When we’re nervous, the energy gets stuck around our head and shoulders. As you sense your feet, that energy flows again.
- Put your attention on the power center just below your navel. Again, it’ll help slow the swirling energy.
- Breathe. You may even try some slow deep breathing before you speak.
- Pause before you begin to talk. Give yourself a moment to connect with your audience.
- Eye contact with individual listeners will help. They’re not just eyeballs staring at you. They’re human beings interested in what you have to say. Talk to them.
Of course, you’ll prepare yourself and know your material inside out. Know, too, that it’s possible to be confident, knowledgeable and nervous when you take the front of the room.
The anxiousness is just energy. Instead of trying to get rid of it, use that energy to connect with your audience.
You might imagine a ray of energy going from you to each of the people listening to you. Your eyes to their eyes. Your heart to their heart.
Remember: the main thing the audience wants from you is–you. Yes, they’re interested (you hope) in what you have to say. But the relationship you create with them trumps content every time.
Think of it as a conversation rather than a performance. You don’t have to impress, you don’t have to put on a show. You just need to connect with your audience, one person at a time.
You will be fine. Even if your face is flushed or your mouth is dry or your knees are weak. Got the butterflies? Take a ride on the butterflies’ wings. As you do, you…and your audience…will be able to relax and enjoy the conversation.
Still feeling a bit reluctant?
Post a comment below about what holds you back from speaking. Or commit to making the most of it from now on.
I became much less nervous when Catherine helped me become clear on my message. Now I have the confidence with my message and I can concentrate on relaying my relationship with the audience in my speaking.
Stephanie, it’s great to hear that your speaking engagements are going well! They’re such a perfect way for you to grow your business. That connection you make with your audiences is critical, and we lose some of that when we’re fixated on what we’re going to say. Or on “How-do-I-look?”…“Is-my-hair-okay?”…“What-do-I-do-with-my-hands?” When my attention is on me instead of the people I’m speaking to, I miss an opportunity for relationship. And it’s relationship that creates business opportunities.
its funny how many of us at the training this past Saturday were so nervous, must have had something to do with being around peers instead of customers (I hope).
I was also affected, when we had our weekly training (every Tuesday lunch) we were to give a 10-15 minute speech on what we learned (the owners way of making sure we learned something 🙂 Now in front of the tech’s and owner I had no issues and noticed several ways I can improve my customers experience.
Thank you Catherine, again always informative and a great time full of useful info, skills, and ideas.
Speaking in front of colleagues and competitors is a challenge for most of us, Jacques. It makes sense — it’s more important to us to impress them than some audience full of random strangers. I’m glad your Tuesday talk went well. I love the idea that you went back to work and shared what you learned in our Customer Conversation sessions. Mark and I hope to see you again at the next TechExpo!
It is natural to be nervous before talking in public.
Even the great comedian Johnny Carson admitted as much.
Johnny Carson focused on his planned performance more than himself. Even that was not perfect. in a Rolling Stone interview, Carson said, “That’s the big problem when you start discussing comedy. When you say, “What is funny?” I don’t know. It sounds like a copout, but I don’t really know until I go out and do it–and I just hear the laughter.”
My point is, you just don’t know until you do it.
If you fear speaking, get off your but and do it.
My most fearful graduate school class was called Communications. The most fearful moment was delivering a 12 minute speech while standing in the middle of a semi-circle of my class mates. By that point in my life I had given lots of presentations to rooms full of potential clients. They were all in front of me. But this, a circle. I could not see all their faces. I felt as if it was a bad dream and I just stepped out nude. There I was with all my inadequacies and exposed. It was the most rewarding class I ever took. I finally discovered that the message, not the messenger, was important.
When my son confided his fear about giving a high school speech, my advise was to forget the people, forget yourself. Instead, focus on the message you want to tell all those undeserving audience. Make them understand what you are trying to make them understand or do.
By the way, years later, John was a keynote speaker at his Illinois State Trooper graduation. Proud Dad.
So here is my advice. More than self, focus on the message and how to make those numb skulls in the audience listen to you.
Well, if that works for you, Jim, that’s great. It wouldn’t help me to think of the audience as undeserving or as numbskulls. I’d rather think of them as friends-to-be who need to hear what I’m saying for the sake of their business, or even their life. I agree that it’s better to focus on my material than on myself, but I think the best focus for me is the people in front of me. When I’m locked in on serving them, fascinating them, even entertaining them, I do my best work. And I think they get the most out of it, too.
Catherine, I guess I meant to say to not be intimidated by the audience.
I did say to create a conversation.
Still, to me, the start is to focus on my message. It gives me a purpose to fascinate the audience.
That makes total sense, Jim — of course you have a message you want to convey. And I can see how keeping that in focus gives you purpose. It’s interesting, isn’t it, how we can take different routes to the same destination. No need to apologize for that! My main concern when I coach speakers is that they take the focus off themselves. Not just to be nice or likeable, but to make sure they’re really serving their audience, andto reduce their own nervousness.
Your comment is well received.
And I beg your forgiveness.
Great advice. Anyone who has spoken publicly experienced fear their first time and a few successive times thereafter. Catherine’s techniques, combined with practice and repetition erase the fears. Another key is thorough preparation. Having a command of the material you are going to present, combined with a conviction that your message will inform and help your listeners in some way instills a level of confidence that helps overcome the fear.
Thank you Tom.
I know that it sounds as if I have a little contempt forward my audience. Well sort of but not quite. Like Carson, I keep looking at my audience to see if there is feedback but sometimes you cannot see them. At least they know that I am looking for them.
The thing is, I am trying to have a conversation with them. I am looking for them to feel that way. I am testing them. Is that contempt? I don’t think so. I am engaging them. If they do not like me – I do not really care. Because, it is my message that I am trying to relay through a conversation.
Other, have you heard Catherine Johns speak in public? She is incredible. Her techniques raise her above her message but I still believe that she is sure about her message.
Jim,
I understand the concept of having a conversation with the audience but am concerned by the term “numb skull” used to characterize your audience. Many people are just as reluctant to give input as they are to speak, from the very same fear of being judged by others present. No person is a SME in every field. We all benefit from instruction and I approach my audience with the attitude that I have information that might help or benefit them in some way. It’s important to research who will be in the audience prior to speaking so that the message can be tailored appropriately. I have found that asking a few rhetorical questions at the outset can create a confidence level and comfort zone within the audience that encourages subsequent participation.
Yes, I have heard Catherine speak in public on two occasions, motivated to attend the events from my great memories of listening to her regularly on WLS radio. She is a master at her craft and her presentations are engaging, informative and entertaining – the trifecta in public speaking.
Hey thanks, Tom! I don’t hit a trifecta very often.
Engaging, informative and entertaining are exactly what I’m going for when I’m in front of an audience. And I hope that everyone in that room walks out with something they can do immediately to polish their Presence or boost their business.
You’re so right about practice and a command of your material, Tom. And I say that as a woman who hates rehearsal. I know I do a better job, though, when I spend the time practicing. Not just “thinking it through” or reading my notes, but actually standing up and rehearsing my talk as if there were an audience there with me.
I saw a post about what a great mayor Willie Wilson would make, even though he can’t speak well. All I could think of was “imagine what a force he might be if he hired Catherine!”
I like the way you think, Erica!
Excellent article, thanks, Catherine! So glad you’re encouraging readers to develop this “power skill” to get noticed and help create new opportunities. They would benefit from investing in themselves by hiring you / a coach to help them develop and hone this skill. As a speaker, I’ve bombed a few times over the years…the good news is that I was able to get back up, dust myself off, hire a coach, receive feedback, practice and get back out there. Your advice to think of it as a conversation than a performance is spot-on! This was the single best advice I received from my one of my coaches.
Most of us have bombed a time or two, Susan. Things can go wrong, even when we think we’re well-prepared.
Some very successful coaches emphasize performance, and they mean it in the full sense of the word. They put on a show when they speak. Like you, I’m a more conversational speaker. There’s no one right way, though. You might be interested in this take on conversation vs. presentation vs. performance.
Catherine, this is such excellent advice, and it’s something that should be emphasized in business school at the undergrad level. I am definitely sharing it with some college-age people I Know.
Thanks, Michelle. Maybe I should be pitching myself as a guest speaker at local universities?