I believe I was in 7th Grade the first time someone scolded me for “language that would make a sailor blush.” It was my science teacher, Mrs. Hanson, and she was furious.
Many times since then it’s been suggested that I might want to clean up my mouth.
I’m telling you that to make sure you know: I’m not a prude. I’m not easily offended. And I’ve been known to let fly, myself, with words that might be represented like this: #*&*$#+@
And. Apparently I have my limits. I’m wondering if you do, too.
Lately I’ve been reading a couple of newsletters from young women who seem to specialize in coarse, profane and prurient.
The thing is, they’re both wicked smart. And funny. And NSFW is definitely part of their brand.
I worried I might be turning into an old fuddy-duddy when I found myself thinking, “Sheesh – is all that swearing and vulgarity really necessary?”
If you’ve been with me for a while, you know that I occasionally emphasize a point with a “hell” or a “damn.” But “occasionally” is the operative word there. And in a business context like my newsletter, I can’t imagine using language stronger than that.
As I’ve gotten to know these sassy young women, or at least gotten acquainted with their writing, I’ve considered that I might learn something from them. They’re hip, after all. And witty. And popular. Maybe I need to loosen up?
And I’ve decided not to.
Because it just wouldn’t be me.
I can see my friends rolling their eyes now. Because if you’ve been with me in person, you know that I don’t hold back. Salty language is definitely part of my style.
But, for me, it doesn’t belong on stage and it doesn’t belong in my newsletter. Because when I’m in front of the room. Or when I’m writing to you. The red light is definitely on.
That would be the red light that says: On Air.
I had years of conditioning, you see. No matter what kind of raw language was used in the newsroom (and there was a lot of it!). No matter what tasteless insults flew around the studio (and there were many). No matter how many times we cursed the program director (and it was often) …
When the microphone went on, the mouths were magically sanitized. There was stuff we just didn’t say on the air. Ever.
Fast-forward by a bunch of years. A lot has changed. The language George Carlin famously used in “7 Words You Can’t Say on TV” shows up all the time on cable, and some of it in broadcast shows too.
Me? I’m no longer on the radio, but I seem to have brought those old broadcast standards with me to speaking and writing.
So I’ve pondered these outspoken young women with their off-color words. And considered that I might have to follow suit to stay current. They are the wave of the future, aren’t they?
For now, I’m comfortable with a business vocabulary that IS safe for work, fit for a family newspaper, consistent with a mouth that kisses mother.
What do you say? When it comes to your professional self – do you keep it clean? Or let it fly?
And how do you respond to speakers, writers and other professionals who push the limits? Or are there any limits in 2016?
Comment below to fill us in. And you can use any language you like!
Excellent piece, Catherine. Like you, I have a salty mouth. However, I only use that language around “friends”. My reasoning is that friends know the real me. They know that, as harsh as that language may sound, more often than not I’m using it to be funny, sarcastic or to express my anger (which typically is all bluster). Also, because I don’t know how a stranger would receive it, I think you just leave profanity out of anything that falls under the heading of “polite or professional conversation”.
“Salty” – I like that, Susan. And it’s true that people who know us hear it differently than strangers do. And SOME people who don’t know us get a kick out of spicy language. But in professional interactions, it’s usually not worth the risk of a negative reaction that can have a high cost.
Excellent piece, Catherine. Like you, I have a salty mouth. However, I only use that language around “friends”. My reasoning is that friends know the real me. They know that, as harsh as that language may sound, more often than not I’m using it to be funny, sarcastic or to express my anger (which typically is all bluster). Also, because I don’t know how a stranger would receive it, I think you just leave profanity out of anything that falls under the heading of “polite or professional conversation”.
“Salty” – I like that, Susan. And it’s true that people who know us hear it differently than strangers do. And SOME people who don’t know us get a kick out of spicy language. But in professional interactions, it’s usually not worth the risk of a negative reaction that can have a high cost.
Not really necessary, unless there’s a major f—- up (in a business setting and to your self). Of course, being the police, you almost daily will encounter a situation that calls for a good W T F???
Oh, Amy, for people in YOUR line of work there’s a LOT of temptation to let it fly, isn’t there? And sometimes really strong language is probably useful. But in the interest of de-escalation, it’s probably best to use discretion most of the time.
Not really necessary, unless there’s a major f—- up (in a business setting and to your self). Of course, being the police, you almost daily will encounter a situation that calls for a good W T F???
Oh, Amy, for people in YOUR line of work there’s a LOT of temptation to let it fly, isn’t there? And sometimes really strong language is probably useful. But in the interest of de-escalation, it’s probably best to use discretion most of the time.
Catherine,
Loved your post. I’m with you on a more formal vocab at work. I, too, can have a “potty” mouth when i am with my friends, but when I am with clients, my brand is professional. While I love a good creative use of any of the infamous seven, I think you can be smart and funny and also show you have a wide vocabulary that doesn’t have to resort to cussing.
I was telling a story in Kentucky and I used the word “crap”. The word was essential to the story, yet a participant came to me at break and said he was offended. You just never know. Why tarnish your image by trying to be “cool”.
That’s so interesting, Jerilyn. I wouldn’t think of “crap” as offensive at all, but people have very different standards, don’t they? Here’s to that wider vocabulary!
My 2016 New Year’s Resolution is to start swearing. For some unknown reason, I never picked up the habit. No one has ever heard me blurt out even the most mild obscenity. Today, vulgarities of the past are acceptable adjectives and/or verbs. Often, they pack the punch needed to emphasize a statement that traditional words just can’t achieve. The younger generations consider them as part of everyday vocabulary and wonder what the fuss is all about. Everything, including language, has become more relaxed, less uptight and accepted. That doesn’t mean it’s right. That’s just the world in which we live. So, I guess you just have to stick to your own standards. If you’re on one side of the fence, you’ll often be offended. If on the other, you’ll be puzzled at the objections to your choice of words. As for me, 2016 is going to be one @*#% of a #@%?*#@%? year. Well, maybe. I made the same swearing resolution last year, and failed. But, I am practicing at home!
I want to sit in on those practice sessions, Janice. Could be a lot of fun!
My 2016 New Year’s Resolution is to start swearing. For some unknown reason, I never picked up the habit. No one has ever heard me blurt out even the most mild obscenity. Today, vulgarities of the past are acceptable adjectives and/or verbs. Often, they pack the punch needed to emphasize a statement that traditional words just can’t achieve. The younger generations consider them as part of everyday vocabulary and wonder what the fuss is all about. Everything, including language, has become more relaxed, less uptight and accepted. That doesn’t mean it’s right. That’s just the world in which we live. So, I guess you just have to stick to your own standards. If you’re on one side of the fence, you’ll often be offended. If on the other, you’ll be puzzled at the objections to your choice of words. As for me, 2016 is going to be one @*#% of a #@%?*#@%? year. Well, maybe. I made the same swearing resolution last year, and failed. But, I am practicing at home!
I think it helps to know your audience, I swear in general, but I will be dpeaking to attorneys on Friday and don’t believe I will be dropping the F bomb. What I do notice is I have to pay more attention and be a little less me in the process. I feel more uptight. I don’t swear to swear, but more to punctuate.
I’ve sure known some foul-mouthed attorneys, Lori. But like you, I wouldn’t be using X-rated language if I were speaking to a group of them. A good curse word can be perfect punctuation, in the right setting.
Catherine–Yes!
And, as you well know from your years behind a microphone, you can paint at least as accurate, if not a more descriptive, picture of whatever you need to convey with other language.
Example:
This past weekend, the door guard at a Chicago museum offering free admission to certain bank customers required them to stand on a (ONE HOUR) line with ticket-buying customers–despite the fact that we were simply going to show our bank cards to get in. The “gentleman” refusing bank customers access to the shorter line refused to yield. My kids said to me, “Why was that guy so mean.” “Because,” replied this radio mom, “he’s a stuffed up orifice.” As a bonus, mom even got to explain what an orifice is.
Than you for the newsletter.
Orifice. What a great word, Turi. I once described someone we both know as having “all orifices slammed shut.” But even that, I wouldn’t have said on the air.
I love that you’re teaching your kids the breadth of the language – it will serve them well.
Catherine–Yes!
And, as you well know from your years behind a microphone, you can paint at least as accurate, if not a more descriptive, picture of whatever you need to convey with other language.
Example:
This past weekend, the door guard at a Chicago museum offering free admission to certain bank customers required them to stand on a (ONE HOUR) line with ticket-buying customers–despite the fact that we were simply going to show our bank cards to get in. The “gentleman” refusing bank customers access to the shorter line refused to yield. My kids said to me, “Why was that guy so mean.” “Because,” replied this radio mom, “he’s a stuffed up orifice.” As a bonus, mom even got to explain what an orifice is.
Than you for the newsletter.
Orifice. What a great word, Turi. I once described someone we both know as having “all orifices slammed shut.” But even that, I wouldn’t have said on the air.
I love that you’re teaching your kids the breadth of the language – it will serve them well.
I have a very similar history-in 6th grade I too got yelled at for using blue language, and I still do. But never in business or writing. The few times I’ve let an f-bomb drop in a business situation, with long time clients, I’ve seen them blanch, so I vowed to clean it up! No F-bombs in business or in arguing your point, say, with the cable company. There is a very famous coach that uses the F-bomb a lot and frankly, I stopped listening to his videos. See? It’s not even a gender thing. It’s a credibility thing. “Hip” does not transcend this rule. Save the F-bomb for funny stories with your friends, or yelling at other drivers, but keep it out of business communications!
Oh, Kelly, there’s probably another whole article in creative expression of annoyance while driving. And interesting that you bring up gender – for a long time men could “get away with” more crude or profane language. (How many times was I told to be more lady-like?) But I’m thinking that’s a thing of the past.
I also know a coach – a woman – who’s noted for the same language. But she has noticeably cleaned it up lately. Not sure what she’s planning, but I’m sure the shift is not an accident. That lingo just doesn’t work in certain circles.
Catherine,
I’m a man and I’m a fan. Back in the 80’s when I was a grad student, I worked for a research team at a major hospital, and my boss, also a man, could not construct a sentence without using the f-word at least once. I found it comical and absurd. It seemed like he was contriving the use of profanity. It was never angry… just stylistic, for lack of a better word. He had a PhD. I then met his boss, a woman with a PhD whose mouth was even more vulgar. I only ever found it a distraction.
Since then, I’ve rarely encountered a boss or higher-up who used that kind of language. Only recently, I had a boss who was pretty high up in the company I work for who was truly one of the kindest people I ever worked for, and he used a lot of the same kind of salty language, but he came off more like a goodfella than a parody. I didn’t find it distracting, actually it was kind of charming. And professionally, he was very good to me.
I personally don’t use that kind of language at work… it just isn’t my style. In my personal life, I have a mouth like a drunken sailor, and when my wife and sis-in-law and I are watching TV, I come out with the most off-colour, un-pc comments all the time, the more outrageous the better, all to get laughs. But work isn’t about that. And it today’s business climate, it just isn’t worth the risk to say something that could find its way to HR. I say “just don’t do it”.
A man and a fan! I love that, Patrick. (And I want to be there sometime when you’re watching TV with your wife and SIL.)
It intrigues me that your reaction to two tacky-talking bosses was so different. Points to the idea that there’s more to this than just the words. The delivery and the individual’s personal presence make a big difference in how things are received.
Catherine,
I’m a man and I’m a fan. Back in the 80’s when I was a grad student, I worked for a research team at a major hospital, and my boss, also a man, could not construct a sentence without using the f-word at least once. I found it comical and absurd. It seemed like he was contriving the use of profanity. It was never angry… just stylistic, for lack of a better word. He had a PhD. I then met his boss, a woman with a PhD whose mouth was even more vulgar. I only ever found it a distraction.
Since then, I’ve rarely encountered a boss or higher-up who used that kind of language. Only recently, I had a boss who was pretty high up in the company I work for who was truly one of the kindest people I ever worked for, and he used a lot of the same kind of salty language, but he came off more like a goodfella than a parody. I didn’t find it distracting, actually it was kind of charming. And professionally, he was very good to me.
I personally don’t use that kind of language at work… it just isn’t my style. In my personal life, I have a mouth like a drunken sailor, and when my wife and sis-in-law and I are watching TV, I come out with the most off-colour, un-pc comments all the time, the more outrageous the better, all to get laughs. But work isn’t about that. And it today’s business climate, it just isn’t worth the risk to say something that could find its way to HR. I say “just don’t do it”.
You hit on a pet peeve on mine with the question about the appropriateness of coarse language. I’m from the school that says the English language has an abundance of words that don’t offend anyone. Use those words. Use words that challenge people to look them up. It’s not just the “f” word or words that suggest scatology either. If someone routinely uses Deity as exclamations they also risk turning off readers and listeners. If you have a message to share that you think is important why negate your message by using ANY language that a member of your audience will turn off due to your choice of words?
The Deity thing is a puzzle, Mark. You’re right, it can be risky. When I was a talk show host, I’d definitely say “damn” now and again (broadcast standards had already relaxed some by then and the whole point was to stir up a reaction). But not GOD damn – because as you say it runs the risk of offending listeners.
I think one thing that’s happened in broadcasting – and maybe in LIFE – is that there’s so much noise, people feel they have to be louder, tougher, or more vulgar to cut through the clutter. Thanks for weighing in on this. I’m just delighted that you’re reading my newsletter!
You hit on a pet peeve on mine with the question about the appropriateness of coarse language. I’m from the school that says the English language has an abundance of words that don’t offend anyone. Use those words. Use words that challenge people to look them up. It’s not just the “f” word or words that suggest scatology either. If someone routinely uses Deity as exclamations they also risk turning off readers and listeners. If you have a message to share that you think is important why negate your message by using ANY language that a member of your audience will turn off due to your choice of words?
The Deity thing is a puzzle, Mark. You’re right, it can be risky. When I was a talk show host, I’d definitely say “damn” now and again (broadcast standards had already relaxed some by then and the whole point was to stir up a reaction). But not GOD damn – because as you say it runs the risk of offending listeners.
I think one thing that’s happened in broadcasting – and maybe in LIFE – is that there’s so much noise, people feel they have to be louder, tougher, or more vulgar to cut through the clutter. Thanks for weighing in on this. I’m just delighted that you’re reading my newsletter!
I’ve sure known some foul-mouthed attorneys, Lori. But like you, I wouldn’t be using X-rated language if I were speaking to a group of them. A good curse word can be perfect punctuation, in the right setting.
I do attempt to watch what I say and I do encourage my team to do the same. My general rule in business is to be more conservative in words and actions. I am not, however, offended or in any way upset with what others say or do. As a matter of fact, I often find it refreshing!
Your general rule is probably a smart one, Gale. I’m pretty free-wheeling in one-on-one conversation, even in business settings (as you know!). My red light kicks in when I’m speaking – or writing – to a group. Somehow it seems more “official.”
In business, I take the high road and choose my words carefully. I try not to offend and act professional. Friends who know me in a social setting will see the relaxed side. There I’m an equal opportunity offender!!
Or maybe an equal opportunity entertainer, Agnes. Notwithstanding my filter for speaking and the newsletter, I’m all for that “relaxed side” in social settings – and mostly, I don’t think it’s offensive.
Oh, Kelly, there’s probably another whole article in creative expression of annoyance while driving. And interesting that you bring up gender – for a long time men could “get away with” more crude or profane language. (How many times was I told to be more lady-like?) But I’m thinking that’s a thing of the past.
I also know a coach – a woman – who’s noted for the same language. But she has noticeably cleaned it up lately. Not sure what she’s planning, but I’m sure the shift is not an accident. That lingo just doesn’t work in certain circles.
Hi Catherine, I met you recently at a woman in business event that you spoke at. After the event I asked you about this very topic. I to have been know to use some “salty” language. I’ve really made effort in controling it using some of the visuals you suggested. I’d love to tell you that I’ve made a complete turn around but that is not the case. I work in a school environment with many young children. I find it ironic, much like the studio going live, that I have no problem controling language in the presence of children yet… give me a passionate moment with the big people and oh my. I think Will Smith once said, a truly intelligent person can make their point without the use of bad language in an equally effective way. I will keep trying.
Interesting, Cindy, how you have a filter with the kiddos. That IS very much like my ON AIR light – it’s just natural and automatic not to go too far, language-wise, when the filter’s in place. Will Smith is probably right. But sometimes it just feels right to punctuate our conversation. No accident, I guess that the code for that is, well, punctuation: !#$%#!^&
Paul and Mark were brothers. Paul a print guy, Mark a radio guy. Both used the f-bomb as part of their vernacular. Paul was a “stitch,” came out smooth and inoffensive, Mark said the same things, but it came out as rude, vulgar and downright angry. In this case it depends on the person using such language.
In today’s workplace, and in digital media where the most entrepreneurial of all entrepreneurs hang out, f-bombs are used frequently. Some digital right of passage?
HR got hold of an f-bomb email that an employee chose to send to our office of 16 people and was not reprimanded. There you go.
As a boss, I not only frowned on it’s use in the office, but ask all to restrain themselves from swearing in front of others. Seems like today those most offended are afraid to say something. Outside the office is fair game.
Fireable offense? A few years back maybe. Not today.
It DOES make a difference which mouth those words come out of, doesn’t it, Steve? Some people can say almost anything and get away with it. But that doesn’t make it smart for the rest of us to follow suit.
Paul and Mark were brothers. Paul a print guy, Mark a radio guy. Both used the f-bomb as part of their vernacular. Paul was a “stitch,” came out smooth and inoffensive, Mark said the same things, but it came out as rude, vulgar and downright angry. In this case it depends on the person using such language.
In today’s workplace, and in digital media where the most entrepreneurial of all entrepreneurs hang out, f-bombs are used frequently. Some digital right of passage?
HR got hold of an f-bomb email that an employee chose to send to our office of 16 people and was not reprimanded. There you go.
As a boss, I not only frowned on it’s use in the office, but ask all to restrain themselves from swearing in front of others. Seems like today those most offended are afraid to say something. Outside the office is fair game.
Fireable offense? A few years back maybe. Not today.