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Older, wiser … weirder?
The young guy was bagging my groceries at Whole Foods when he complimented me on my teal glasses. He was doubly impressed to observe that they matched my teal cane.
“I hope I’m that fly when I’m your age,” he said.
That “fly???”
Yes, “fly.” Often used informally to describe someone as stylish, sharp, or well-dressed, as the dictionary explains.
“Thanks,” I told him, “I’m not going quietly.”
And that got a laugh from the woman at the cash register. I wondered for a moment if they were patronizing an old lady, but they both seemed sincere in sort of getting a kick out of their interaction with me. And I liked that.
I’m not sure I’ve ever been called “fly” before. But what really hit me about the whole exchange was the rest of the guy’s comment: “when I’m your age.”
The way he said it, that must seem like a far away possibility to him. The truth is, it’ll be here before he knows it.
At least it’s been that way for me … and likely for you, too.
Of course, no matter what our current age, we’re older than we’ve ever been before. So, this phenomenon may be familiar to you, even if you’re not quite with me on the specifics.
Lately I find myself thinking about winding down my business and downsizing at home and yes, end-of-life planning. Some of that pondering is not exactly fun. We’re talking serious subjects here!
So, it was a delight to come across a New York Times article suggesting that aside from all that serious stuff, with age “it becomes easier to embrace your authentic (and eccentric) self.”
The author of the paper’s “Well” newsletter calls it the gift of getting weirder with age, although she admits right off the bat that she’s always been something of a weirdo.
Are you ready to be a weirdo?
I wouldn’t describe myself that way, exactly, but I do have my eccentricities. And I do agree with Jancee Dunne that getting weirder without embarrassment is one of the better parts of getting older.
A psychology professor who studies the “true self,” told her many of us feel we’re becoming more authentic over time, closer to our true selves.
And her research shows most people believe they’re going to be even more who they really are as they get older.
When we were younger, we were still trying to figure out who we really were. Or maybe who we wanted to be. And we put all kinds of energy into projecting that image, hoping to make people think it was more than a facade.
And then, at a certain age, you do kind of settle into being who you really are, don’t you think? A New York geriatrician told Dunne you come into yourself as you start the last leg of life. “You’re more comfortable and confident with who you are and what you believe.”
I think the doctor is right about that. I’m glad to be feeling comfortable with my not-going-quietly self.
And then there’s Your Chubby Vintage Nana.
Diane Shiffer’s her real name. She’s an upstate New York grandmother and an Instagram sensation whose name pretty well sums up her persona. Not thin and glamorous. Not young. Definitely not hip. And not trying to be.
She was on WGN-TV telling Patrick Elwood that every decade is better than the one before. And that’s part of the message in her new book, The Smallest of Joys.
In the book and her many social media posts, Shiffer embraces the aging process along with being different, or odd, or even a weirdo. She says our quirks are not “a flaw to fix, but a thread” you can follow back to your truest self.
I like that. Being our truest selves … and feeling free to communicate that. Showing up in the world with those true selves in full view.
Of course there’s a risk in that showing up. Just like in junior high, not everyone is going to be cool with our exact combination of quirks. Some will embrace us as we are. And some will head as fast as they can in the opposite direction. That might feel like a loss.
But, as Diane Shiffer says, the flip side of that is once and for all being at peace with your “whole, weird self.”
I’m eager for a comment from your whole weird self. Please tell us in a comment below.
I really enjoyed this post and your reading because
I love a good story and I enjoy staying up to date on things
that hit home.
Especially now that I’m older and appreciate
that a good part of wisdom is realizing how we’re all having our own weird human experience.
And with enough experience behind us, it’s easier to lean into our own unique weirdness.
You’re right, I think, about all our life experience helping us lean into our own weirdness, Fred. Maybe our years of experience with other people’s weirdness lays the groundwork for embracing our own.
First of all… love that you keep jazzing it up with great style. Isnt it funny how the tables have turned? In our younger days a comment from an adult would raise a brow… now it’s the younger comments that make us pause. Cheers to keeping life interesting. Thanks for a delightful read.
So glad you liked the post, Kris. And yes, it is interesting how the generations shift.
Hi Catherine!
You are absolutely, 1000% correct on gaining the freedom to be more of one’s unabashedly unique self as one ages. I’ve recently retired, at the magic age of 67, so I’m in the middle of that ‘aging’ dynamic. There is less of a reason to be seen as being ‘just so’ and impressing anyone, and aside from being appropriate for a given situation, I have much more freedom to be a little more silly, lighthearted, and witty. Most people that I encounter seem to be happily surprised by that and appear to enjoy the open/honest interchange. There are no masks or facades – just honesty and caring – along with the appropriate amount of discretion and diplomacy when needed. It’s refreshing to be free of those former restraints!
Enjoy the process, and ALWAYS be yourself!
Retirement is a real milestone in this process, isn’t it, Michelle? I’m not quite there, or at least I don’t want to be quite there. Easing toward it, but I wish I were still in more demand as a coach and/or speaker. Because I enjoy the work so much!
I loved what you said about being more silly, lighthearted, and witty. I’d have assumed those qualities have always been there, masked a bit for a corporate climate. I’m glad to hear you’re letting the facade slide away.
I’m totally down to be a fly weirdo!
And it’s definitely working for you, Kellly!
You tell it like it is, as always Catherine! That’s what I love about you! Keep being the shining light for the rest of us weirdo’s (eccentrics, characters, unconventionalists, nonconformists, whimsicals, offbeats…).
Yes, Ellen, I do try to be open and straight with y’all in my blog and social media posts. I sometimes wonder, as I guess we all do, what value I bring to the conversations here…and IRL too, for that matter. People often say it’s being direct, or candid, or, in your words, “telling it like it is.”
Hi Catherine, right on with “weird” but I would probably call it “truer”to myself and my values. Frankly it’s a lot easier when you’re not in a working environment. Being in the health coaching field for the last 14 years I’ve had to face a lot of peer & social pressure. That taught me not everyone wants to make those choices & that’s ok. This non-political person has taken a moral stand & received a lot of heat for it. All of these have being growing & refining experiences ….I’m finding more like minded people to hang out with!
You’re probably right, Pam, that it’s easier to be our true selves when we’re not working for somebody else. Even in radio, which encourages a certain amount of individuality, I always felt like a misfit, largely because of my appearance. Which is ironic, in a medium without a visual component, isn’t it?
It’s a delight, finding those more like-minded people to hang out with. And it does seem that in order to do that, we need to be clear–and open–about who we really are.
I’d better be ready to be whoever and whatever I am. If it’s seen as weird, I’d better be ready to not care. Sure, I hope to keep growing and learning, but by now my Me is a deeply established base. And I like it!
Thanks, as ever, for your always-affirmative platform.
You put that well, Bill — “My ME is a deeply established base.” And I’m so glad you like it. Makes life a lot easier, doesn’t it?
At the risk of the algorithm gods striking me down, Fly Girl Catherine (!), I enjoyed the thought of you dancing around your house to this: https://youtu.be/8oCct4vy5-s?si=ZFtNDo_Tz_nRQDO0.
That’s fabulous, Bill! And yes, I danced.
I love your glasses and love what you identify as your weirdness. I just find that I am more short-tempered than I was when I was younger. I don’t suffer fools. I was always the “good girl” who went along and got along.
You’re not alone, I’m thinking, Erica. The less time we have left, the less patience we have for people who waste it!
Catherine compliments on a great article.
At the end of the Rolling Stones Soldier Field concert June 2024 I was letting people in the row above exit when a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said she hoped she would be as cool as I am when she’s my age.
Make My Day
I love that, Mark! But then, you’ve always been cool, at any age.
I just picked up my newest glasses. The 3rd pair in a row in some shade of purple. And, I got a pair of prescription sunglasses in another shade of purple at the same time.
My “style” must be old hat for both of my children as neither one noticed that they were new. They do usually notice such things.
Keep on letting your “freak flag fly” because he shows your authentic self.
Purple glasses are fabulous, aren’t they, Janice? I have a pair I just love. I’ll keep an eye on Facebook for photos of you in yours.