Listen to the audio version of this post here.
One-to-many is really one-to-one.
I’m writing this for you. Yes. You. Just you.
In fact, I have an image of you in my mind as I choose the words I hope will make an impact with you. Maybe make you smile. Words that will stay with you for a little while. Or maybe even a long while.
Now we both know that other people will read this too. Their reactions may be just like yours or they might be completely different.
The point is that I have an individual in my mind as I sit here at the keyboard.
Same thing when I’m speaking.
There might be 25 people in the room. Or 197! No matter how many people are sitting there hearing me, they’re listening to me one by one.
So, I’m talking to one of them. Say, that woman in pink, in the third row. Or the bald guy in the back. Or the young one right in front, eagerly soaking it all up. Eventually, I’ll make a connection with each one of them. And each of them will feel that I’m talking to each of them. Alone.
That’s how the magic happens.
Some affirmation arrived in my inbox the other day.
Marketing guru Seth Godin wrote, “The reason that most memos, speeches and edicts fall flat is simple: we get stuck on the idea that we’re talking to a crowd.”
A better way, Seth wrote, is to find one person. Exactly one. Write or speak to that individual. And allow the others to listen in if they like.
And then, instead of writing a memo to the whole company or holding forth at all-hands meeting or on a Zoom call, he recommended, “Embrace the tone of voice, body posture, breathing style and punctuation you’d use on just one person. You and me, here and now.”
Yes! That’s it, exactly.
You might be thinking, “Yeah, but …”
I know, I know. A speaker looks out at multiple individuals sitting in a room. By definition, that’s a group, right? Well, not exactly. Merriam-Webster says a group is “a number of objects or persons considered as a unit.”
I say the people I’m speaking to or writing for are not a unit.
And if we want to communicate with them, we’d best not think of them as a unit. Rather, they’re individuals who happen to be gathered in this space at this time with us. And we have an opportunity if we can connect with each one of them.
As Seth said, “When we’re speaking or writing, the crowd is just an illusion. What’s actually happening is that there is one person over there, another over there, repeated again and again until it’s easier to imagine it’s a mass audience.”
The audience is not a mass.
Here’s another way to think about it.
When we’re speaking, we hope to light up the room, right? We want to engage our audience, make an impression, and have some influence. It’s our energy that makes that happen.
I sometimes encourage my coaching clients to imagine a beam of energy shooting from their heart to a person in their audience. And another beam to another person. And another beam … well, you get the idea. Kind of like the ray-guns in old sci-fi movies.
We’re not just giving off an undifferentiated mass of energy. Each beam is targeted toward an individual. We connect with them eyes-to-eyes and heart-to-heart. And I assure you, those individuals feel it and respond to it.
I’m curious, of course, wondering how you’re feeling about what you’ve read here. And about how you’ll respond to it. Leave a comment below, won’t you?
Catherine
Thank you for your well written piece.
Its message or messages fit what I leaeaned and attempt to practice as a
speaker terainer consultant throughout the 40+ years I stood on stages,
in front of audioriums, lecture halls or the various other rooms I wandered
around while delivering my varied presentations.
Seldom were any of my 4,000 groups whether 20 or so up to 1,000
truly ever groups. Yes I tried many things during my progeams
to bring the individuals together into jointly thinking collections.
Glad you dug it, Alan. It does my heart good to hear affirmation from such an experienced speaker.
I met you almost a decade ago, in Knoxville during Lisa Hall’s 1-day event at a country club ♥️
I was the event photographer that day and I bought your book.
I just wanted to tell you that I’ve enjoyed your emails over the years and to keep up the good work 👏
You’re the best, Rita! We go back a long way, don’t we? Good to see that you’re still shooting those photos. I’m so glad you’re still with me, and I’m delighted to see your success.
When I speak to a group, I am looking around the room to see if I have connected. If I have landed my joke. If I have said something that resonates with an individual. The hardest thing about giving presentations on Zoom is that I don’t get that feedback. I am talking to me! (And I generally appreciate my humor!) I can see the wisdom of imagining talking to just one person, but for me, each individual is important.
I was once asked to teach a course on real estate to first year law students. Their heads were buried in their laptops. I was unable to make any eye contact. I declined ever teaching a course to law students again. Their loss. My comfort.
Of course each individual is important, Erica. That’s why we make a connection with every one of them. Too bad about those law students! They lost out on a lot, didn’t they?
Beautifully said , simply put, so absolutely true…
❤️
I just forwarded it to the rest of my TOASTMASTERS club.
It reduces fear and increases effectiveness.
My Dad used to tell me this all the time.
Your Dad was a smart guy, Mark! Thanks for sharing–I hope your fellow-Toastmasters will subscribe for more.
Beautifully put, Catherine! After all, each human being out there has a story and came to hear you because they are hungry to hear what you have to say. You never know their need or their pain but you just might change their life today!
Exactly! I just read an email, in fact, from someone who said she heard me speak after a layoff in 2013, picking up some tips for someone who hadn’t interviewed for a new job in 30 years. She sent “a big thank you for helping me to gain the confidence to continue my job search until I found a good fit.” I LOVE that!
Thanks for chiming in, Teri!
Catherine,
You sure know how to connect one on one, both in writing and in person.
I enjoy each of your articles. Not only can your suggestion make for better
presentations, they can enhance one on one, face to face exchanges as
well.
Thanks, Janet! I’m so glad you’re finding my articles worthwhile.