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Have We All Become Party Poopers?

Here we are launching the New Year after a busy season of festive, fun holiday parties. Or not …

Truth is, the number of people hosting or even attending parties is way down. There’s a reason Party City has closed its doors for good!

Only about four percent of us spend time at a party on an average weekend or holiday. Which means 96% of us are opting out of getting together.

You can find a lot of social science explanations for the decline in social events. The ease of connecting online instead, the cost of an evening out, and the lingering impact of COVID isolation are among them.

There’s a lot of discourse about the divisiveness raging in our culture—who wants to risk the vitriol that can crop up and ruin a conversation?  When it comes to young men, synthetic relationships seem to be replacing dates in the real world.

A flurry of articles everywhere from USA Today to Business Insider through last year expressed deep concern about all young people partying less. And I’d say the story seems to be the same for those of us who are, well, no longer young people.

So, is there any point in putting on a party?

I’m still saying yes, in spite of a holiday season disappointment. I was all set for my annual gathering of neighbors, and let’s just say it didn’t go according to plan. A handful of people didn’t RSVP; that happens now. And among those who did, a bunch more changed their minds.

That last couple of hours before party-time, the texts started rolling in. Colds, COVID, bad back, out-of-town guests, and just felt like staying home. One person after another let me know they wouldn’t be celebrating with us after all.

I was sitting here waiting for the doorbell to ring with too much food, too few guests, and a bad case of nobody-loves-me-everybody-hates-me-I’m-going-to-eat-some-worms. Ugh—the rejection! I’ll never host another get-together, I thought.

And I’m already starting to change my mind.

It helped to read this Substack from the co-founder of Run for Something, Amanda Littman. She’s young and hip and part of a couple … and she was having the same disappointing experience I had trying to create a social life and build a community.

“Every week, it felt like we’d get back a stream of no’s or maybe-next-times, or just no answer. Sometimes we’d have something on the books and a few hours before, someone would flake.

This sent me spiraling. Does everyone secretly hate me? Do I suck? Am I needy? On and on and on.”

Somehow it was reassuring to know that I wasn’t alone in that spiral!

And it really helped to read Amanda’s follow-up to her article about a New Year’s 2025 plan to host a casual dinner gathering every Saturday. I learned that she and her husband got their regular Saturday evenings going, filled their calendar, and had a ball doing it.

They had folks over for dinner just about every Saturday all year long. And they enjoyed it so much, they plan to keep entertaining and community-building in 2026.

I’m not sure if I’m ambitious enough—or energetic enough—to host every single Saturday. I might set a more sensible goal though and see how things go. I have done more entertaining than usual in the past couple of months, and I have enjoyed it. (I had to remind myself of those dinners with friends when my neighborhood party fizzled.)

Ideas are out there, for sure.

Priya Parker wrote The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters about getting together socially and professionally. It’s not just dinner parties. Being able to host a stellar all-hands meeting is a real skill—and a gift to the colleagues who have to come to those meetings.

I like the way Priya’s approaching the beginning of the year in her most recent newsletter.  “Most resolutions are about how to improve me. What if we saved one New Year’s resolution about how to improve we?”

And of course as a facilitator and strategic advisor, she thinks that improvement begins with bringing people together.

I’m up for that. How about you? Tell me how you’ll bring people together this year and build your community with a comment below.