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Some of us can’t wait to get back together now that pandemic protocols are falling away. Others of us, not so much.
Whatever we’re feeling about gathering again, it might be amplified by the notion of gathering with people we haven’t seen in ten years. Or … fifty.
I’m on the planning team for my 50th reunion. Which is happening 51 years after our graduation from Glenbrook South High School. COVID 19 put the kibosh on the celebration we should have had in 2020.
Responses to the whole idea of being together are fascinating.
Some of us are eager. The big weekend is months away and they’re already making airline reservations and plans with their old friends. They can’t wait to reconnect after all these years, hear what everyone’s been up to and share pictures of their grandkids.
Some of us are uneasy. It’ll be a lot of people. I might not remember some of them. Or they might not remember me. Or worse yet, they will remember me and that embarrassing episode in the school cafeteria. (Or the gym, or the history class, or whatever. Who didn’t have an embarrassing episode in high school?)
Plus, there’s the corona-concern—maybe they’re not all vaccinated? Will there be hugging? Would I look silly if I wore a mask?
Some are a flat no. They hated high school. Or maybe they just left and never looked back…and they don’t want to look back now.
This arrived in my inbox, from a Facebook friend whom I’ve known since not just high school, but grade school. And who is not coming to the reunion. “Since I’ve not been a part of anyone’s history, I just thought I’d feel very out of place which would make me sad.”
That made me sad.
It also made me ponder how differently individuals respond to these opportunities to reconnect with people from the past.
I’m in the “eager” category.
It makes no sense when you think about it. I was what we could charitably call “socially awkward” in high school. You remember the type—good grades, bad social life. Not nearly pretty enough.
I had, I don’t know, maybe half a dozen dates in four years? (I later swore that Janis Ian was right: “Love was meant for beauty queens.”) I went to one high school dance. Naturally, it was the turnabout dance—I had to ask him. It was excruciating.
I was exactly the sort, in other words, who might not rush to spend an evening with those people who were disinterested or even derisive all those years ago.
And yet, I’ve attended every Class of ’70 reunion, had a hand in planning most of them, and enjoyed all of them.
Huh. What’s that about?
A few thoughts about reconnecting.
Whether it’s going to a reunion, meeting up with long-ago colleagues, or even seeing people in person for the first time since early 2020, there seems to be a mindset component to gathering again.
I’ve been pondering my own reunion reactions and other people’s points of view. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
Curiosity is a huge motivator.
I am dying to hear what people are up to. What they’ve accomplished along the way. Where they’ve lived, what they’ve done for fun, what kind of careers they’ve had. It all fascinates me.
Yes, some of those questions are answered in Facebook posts or the occasional Christmas card. It’s not the same as conversation. I really like talking with people, including people who were in my math class sophomore year.
Of course, I find it gratifying when someone is equally interested in me. As you might guess, not everyone is. Some folks will yammer on about themselves without ever asking the first question about me or my experience or where I’m headed from here.
My internal reaction? “Next!”
(I should probably hand them a business card and invite them to sign up for my newsletter so they can become better communicators.)
Staying curious heads off negativity, and not just when it comes to class reunions.
I’m pretty comfortable with who I am.
Of course, there are things left to learn, mistakes I regret, habits I should definitely change. You’d probably say the same – none of us is perfect.
On balance though, there’s a lot in my life to make me feel good. I’ve had my share of professional success. One great career wrapped up, plus speaking and coaching I continue to enjoy even as many of my contemporaries are calling it a day.
I have rich relationships with friends and family. Frank and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary soon; we’re still happy together.
And I’m way more accepting of myself, foibles and all, than I was as an adolescent. Or even a young adult. I long since stopped cringing when I look in a mirror.
I’m grounded in the present.
Not that I’m oblivious to the past—I just provided a peek at it, didn’t I? I do try, however, not to drag it around with me all the time.
And of course, I’m aware of the future out ahead of me, although my financial adviser would tell you a little more awareness would be a fine thing.
My frame of reference, though, is mostly here and now. So, when I think about getting together with people I haven’t seen in years, I’m not caught in the party they didn’t invite me to (although it was painful).
I’m also not focused on whether we’ll become fast friends and stay in touch after the reunion (although that might be welcome).
You know I think our physical body is the key to being present and being in the present. When I stay connected to my own physicality, I’m not caught in thoughts about high school happenings or the feelings they created.
Instead, I’m right here, right now, appreciating this moment for what it is. And, okay, sometimes for what it isn’t.
And you?
If you’re feeling reluctant about getting together again, you might experiment with getting curious and getting present.
Maybe you have thoughts of your own about gathering, or re-gathering, or high school reunions. Fill us in with a comment …
Like you, I was a nerdy kid at an all-girl high school, with few friends; there were no boys around to even ask to a dance! Still, I have enjoyed all the reunions because most of the women have mellowed over the years, at least the ones who chose to attend. The mean girls stayed home, or turned out to be not quite so mean. A group of us started quarterly luncheons after our 50th in 2016, and are hoping to resume them later this year after a year and a half hiatus. I have gotten to know people I barely knew in high school, because we were on different tracks. I also missed out on getting to march in with the college graduates at commencement (as the 50-year graduates traditionally do) last year and this year, but I think there will be an in-person reunion for 1970 and 1971 grads in the fall. It may be sparsely attended because of age, distance, and fears, but as I’m fully vaccinated I’ll take the risk and go, masked if needed.
About reunions in general, my husband asked a few years ago why I bothered going to my college reunions as none of my close friends would be there, but we went and always had a good time. It doesn’t matter if I don’t know anyone particularly well, as I enjoy meeting and talking with people.
I guess the mean girls are still around, Barbara. Somebody sent a snarky email about the people planning our reunion … not realizing that one of us was ON the email chain. Oops.
Mostly, though, I’ve found that people have gotten over themselves. Whether that means being less smug and arrogant, or less shy and nerdy…we’ve all changed in a lot of ways since then.
I’m with you about seeing the people who weren’t my close friends back then. I’m in touch with those friends anyway; the magic of the reunion is in meeting up with the people I’m not in touch with most of the time.
I’ve been to every one of our GBS reunions. Every time I’m amazed that few of the people who I spent most of my time out of school with ever bother to attend. On the other hand, I’ve always enjoyed talking to people who I may have been in many classes with but didn’t necessarily spend much time with out of school.
And when I look at the social life my kids and their friends had, I can’t help but wonder how much more enjoyable high school would have been if we had been more like them. Looking forward to seeing you and so many others in October. Thanks for all the hard work that you and the other planners put into making reunion weekend so enjoyable.
Like you, Kevin, I wouldn’t miss a chance to get together and catch up, especially with the people who weren’t my friends in high school. (That’s a lot of people, as this post makes clear😉)
Interesting that your kids had a different kind of high school experience. Sounds like that’s a generational difference? You’re right–a lot of us would have had more fun if we’d all been more open to casting a wider social net. We can make up for some of that, mingling at our 51st reunion. See you then! And hey, thanks for adding to the conversation here.
It’s so interesting to read this article and to learn a bit of your experience. I’m actually still in high school, but I can definitely feel the energy around gathering and “re”-gathering. There can be a lot of pressure and anxiety intertwined with that, so it’s nice to read your article about supporting other people and the variety of feelings other people have. Thanks for sharing!
Good to hear you dug it, Lily. Yes, there’s plenty of anxiety around getting together, even for those of us who expected to have outgrown it by now!
I enjoyed my 45th reunion more than the previous ones and the 50th even more. I think I’m now socially comfortable enough to handle high school.
Well, you know what they say–better late than never! Seriously, Diana, you’re not alone. I think a lot of us get more at-ease as we get older.
I went to a catholic grade school and high school. The summer before my senior year, I told my parents I wanted to go to the public high school so I didn’t have to take PE ( I had an undiagnosed, genetic muscle disease called McArdles) and PE class was torture. I am always invited to the catholic school class reunion and have a blast!
Good to hear your positive view of reunions, Ronna. It surprises me how many people are sour on the whole idea of reconnecting with one-time classmates. Seems sad to me.
I am very much looking forward to seeing you Catherine! Even though we didn’t know each other that well at GBS. I will have a hug ready….if you want one!
I think each reunion finds us in different stages..
5 year reunion was all about what your major was in college and how that translated to a job.
10 year was about how successful you had become while climbing the ladder.
By the 25th, it was about where you lived and how many marriages you may have had (and how bitter that made you)
By 30th it was starting to involve the choices in your life on career and jobs. People felt they needed to defend those choices.
By the 40th, I felt people were friendlier and didn’t care about where you lived or what you did as a job, but how happy you were with yourself! Enough people had passed away by then, that we SHOULD all be happy we are alive and well and happy to be visiting!
Even though, we all have memories of people we knew in high school, I certainly hope by the 50th(51), we can understand and appreciate where we were (Glenview was a wonderful place) but be happy about where we are now! We should all be thrilled that we are healthy and happy with the life we have all worked hard for.
Sorry, I went on kinda long here….just some thoughts. See you in October and, btw, you guys have done a fantastic job planning a reunion in a very difficult time!!
I’m sort of notorious for not being much of a hugger, Pat — but I notice I’m a little less WASPy after we all spent a year-plus doing that social distance thing. In fact, I hugged a couple of our classmates just last night!
My reunion experience tracks with what you describe. The 40th was more fun for me than any of the earlier ones; people seemed warmer, looser, more open. And maybe they saw me the same way? I’m looking forward to this one and hoping for a good turn-out. Thanks for noticing the work we’re doing putting it all together. (Okay, it is work, and it’s fun too.)
If we still lived in Champaign-Urbana I’d attend. My body got wrecked in two accidents, 2006-2008, the motorcycle was the worst and last. I had to retire early at 60 in 2013, which wreaked havoc on my financial plans and my mind. No one wants to hire a disabled 60 year old.
Turned out crappy financially, happy with less insanity, scrappy in a MacGyver-ing kind of way! We had to learn to get by on less and did.
We are half assed homesteading in Rainbow, Oregon at Mile marker 47 on the McKenzie Highway. We have electricity, no TV, just got wifi connected for first time in 5 years as well as a working phone in our Airstream. Our well ran dry, quit. No running water. Since we’re renting pastures for three horses and camping in another there is no desire to add more expense to dig a deeper well. I haul it from a local store with a limited community water source and from a friend in Mckenzie Bridge from the Horse Creek aquifer, Good tasting agua! Trying to garden is a challenge but the hard work has been rewarding on many levels. More mobility, lost a ton of weight with that and CBD (100 lbs). Have kept it off, learning new life skills and finally calming down after the last election. Now rooting for the DOJ and trying to ignore politics as best I can.
As far as the reunion, with three horses, two dogs and a thin wallet there’s just no way to make it work. I’ve enjoyed talking to GBS alumni I knew but didn’t really, in addition to the ones I hung out with and the people on I Grew Up In Glenview Facebook group. It makes me happy to see so many doing well . I’m enjoying my days just getting by doing what needs to get done. I’d have been a great house hubby! Maybe in the next life..
Thanks
That’s quite a story, Dave! When are you going to write your book?
Sorry you won’t be with us at the reunion. I’ll share photos and observations in our Facebook group. And you know we’re compiling the where-are-they-now stories for a booklet. Make sure we have yours, will you? (Sadly, not everyone will read it here on my blog.😉)
Another great topic Catherine. I graduated way back in 1978. I never went to any reunion, but instead stayed in touch with those that I hung out with in high school. Now with Facebook, it’s a lot easier. I regret not going sometimes. But I’m content. In fact I’ll be meeting with an old coach of mine who asked me to help run the gymnastics team, and because of that, I got my high school letter, plus we became great friends. We are do to reunite for breakfast coming in the next week or so.Plus I meet up with old classmates for coffee or a meal. So I’m not against reunions, I just do them in my own way.
I guess we all do them our own way, Ralph. I’m not out to sell you on my way. I will tell you though, some of the best conversations I’ve had at reunions have been with the people I didn’t hang out with in high school. Like you, I’ve stayed in touch with folks who were my friends then. I’ve also been delighted to create connections with people who weren’t. Hey, enjoy that breakfast with your coach!