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What Should You Stop Saying?

It took me by surprise when a friend pointed it out. We’d had a delightful conversation over a delicious lunch when she startled me with, “You should stop saying that.”

Saying what?  Apparently, I’d asserted more than once that afternoon, “Nobody cares what I have to say.”

Marti pointed out that she’d heard the same thing from me on other occasions, often enough that it stood out. And I couldn’t argue with her when she said that kind of self-effacing comment doesn’t serve me well. Say it often enough, and people might believe it. Worse yet, I might believe it myself.

Not to mention, it’s wrong on its face.

Marti had been sitting right there caring what I had to say for two hours and then some. An organization is paying me money today so their members can hear what I have to say. You’re reading this article. Why? We can guess you care what I have to say.

And yet, I seemed to have fallen into the habit of asserting, “Nobody cares what I have to say.”

Is any of this sounding familiar?

It strikes me that a lot of us get comfortable saying things about ourselves we would never say about someone else. It would be rude, unkind, insensitive to talk about a friend or a colleague or a client like that.

When we’re talking about ourselves, though, we might well comment unfavorably about our appearance. Or our age. Or our professional accomplishments. Why do we do that?

Fishing for compliments? Maybe. Making ourselves the center of attention? Could be. Explaining or excusing ourselves? Possibly.

Thinking about my particular self-criticism, it’s clear that my speaking calendar is not as full as I’d like it to be. You know I took time off to care for Frank, and rebooting my business has been harder than I hoped it would be. When the phone is not ringing, it can seem that nobody cares what I have to say. At least, not enough to book me for their event.

Or just maybe, that’s not the issue at all. Could be they don’t know what I could offer them. Or they’ve already committed to someone else. Or they don’t have a budget for speakers. Or … well, there are a lot of possibilities, aren’t there?

In any event, Marti is right. It doesn’t do me any good to tell myself, much less anyone else, that nobody cares what I have to say. So, I resolved to stop it.

And I’m inviting you to do this with me.

You’ve likely thought, as you’ve read this, about something you say that would be better left unsaid. Some unfavorable comment about the impact you make in meetings at work, about your skill on the golf course, or about that face looking back at you from the mirror.

Or whatever. It’s so easy to get in the habit of self-criticism. Maybe more so for women than men?

I’ve already been paying more attention to what comes out of my mouth; I’m happy to say I have not repeated that dreaded phrase since Marti pointed it out. And I’m not going to!

I hope you’ll tell me what you’re going to stop saying now. As always, I care very much what you have to say. Leave a comment below.