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What’s in a Name?

You may have noticed the difference in what they call candidates in news stories, advertising, and comments on X. In his newsletter, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pointed to an ad for the Republican presidential candidate.

“Note that the Trump ad uses his last name but for Harris, they use her first name. This is typical sexism in trying to diminish the authority of a woman by using her first name.”

Is it?

The analysis from the NBA star-turned-philosopher-pitchman-and-Substacker made me think of the 2016 campaign: Trump vs. Hillary. There’s that sexism again. Or maybe it just made sense to use her first name because of that other Clinton who’d been a presidential candidate—and a president.

There is something to the charge of sexism, though.

Referring to a powerful woman in public life using only her first name can feel dismissive—sort of a verbal pat on the head.

On the other hand, the Harris campaign itself distributed signs at the Democratic convention that said, “Kamala.” The candidate’s first name is eminently more chantable than her last.

Then too, first names set a tone that’s warmer, friendlier than last names. Our current president is often referred to as “Joe,” rather than “Biden”… because that’s just the kind of guy he seems to be.

Personally, I’d rather be called “Catherine” than “Johns,” perhaps because of lingering emotional scars from my Rugen Elementary School classmates labeling me “Cathy Toilets.”

The New York Times may have the solution. They avoid the whole issue by using last names with honorifics for everyone. In their pages, the vice president is not “Kamala,” she’s “Ms. Harris.” And her opponent is “Mr. Trump.” Sounds a little stiff, but it also sounds respectful. And at least it’s balanced.

And then there’s pronunciation.

You know the former president consistently—and deliberately—mispronounces “Kamala.” He puts the emphasis on the wrong syllable (Ka-MAL-a) sticks extra consonants into it (Kam-ba-la) and generally mangles his opponent’s name with glee.

Trump said on stage not long ago, “I couldn’t care less if I mispronounce it.” But he clearly does care at least enough to keep doing it. Even after her grandnieces offered a quick and cute course during the convention on how to say “Kamala.” 

You might remember Trump calling Nikki Haley by a distorted version of her birth name, Nimrata. Maybe just a coincidence that we’re talking about two women whose parents hailed from Southeast Asia? More likely, a deliberate display of his deep disrespect. We certainly get the message. And some people clearly like the message. I guess that’s politics, right?

In business life, getting their name right matters.

What’s the most persuasive word a person can hear from you? It’s their name. Using their name acknowledges that you’re speaking directly to them, that your attention is on them, that they matter to you.

It’s a sign of respect, yes. It’s also a step toward creating rapport, and rapport is critical when we hope to make a sale, land a new job, or convince our colleagues that we can solve the problem at hand.

I say each of us has a right to decide what we prefer to be called. Given name, nickname, assumed name … whatever it is, we go through life wearing an invisible “Hello, My Name is …” nametag. And the rest of the world should honor our choice.

As a child, I was Cathy. Sometime around junior high, I changed the “y” to “ie” and of course I dotted the “I” with a tiny circle. Later, a college boyfriend started calling me “Cat,” and I ran with that even though my parents didn’t like it. (Or perhaps because they didn’t like it.🤷🏻‍♀️)

When I started working in broadcast news, I used my given name, “Catherine.” It sounded more adult and more professional; that seemed important in the news business, especially at a time when people still expected news all anchors to be men with deep, booming voices,

And later, because I preferred “Catherine,” some talk show callers would intentionally call me “Cathy,” often saying it with a sneer. I’ll note that those callers were overwhelmingly men who disagreed with my position on the issue at hand.

Calling me out of my name, to use the vernacular, was their petty put-down. Some of them acknowledged that, while other callers feigned ignorance about the dig. Sound familiar?

What if we get their name wrong?

Civil people don’t deliberately misname the folks they interact with. It is easy to make a mistake though, whether from forgetfulness or genuine confusion about how to pronounce a name that’s unfamiliar to us. We can’t always count on adorable little girls to explain it from a stage!

In my experience, most people are forgiving when we trip up on their name, especially if they get the sense we’re trying. And that sense that we’re trying helps us develop rapport, even if we don’t quite nail it the first time or two.

Eventually, though, it behooves us to get their name right. You may have had some experience with people who get it wrong. I’m eager to hear about it.