Listen to the audio version of this post here.
How are you holding up?
Seriously. It’s a lot, isn’t it? The pandemic. The economic collapse. Now the demonstrations along with the looting and destruction that accompanied them.
Stores and restaurants just beginning to come back from the CoronaCrisis have been shut down again, some were burned down. Whole downtowns and commercial neighborhoods are off-limits. In many cities, curfews are in place as police struggle to restore some semblance of order that will last for more than an hour or two.
And all those people who were peacefully marching and chanting, along with the rock-and-bottle-throwing troublemakers, are being urged to go get tested now. Health officials worry about epic outbreaks of COVID-19 after all that close contact in the streets.
It’s enough to make a person miserable.
Or … we might try tragic optimism.
The idea comes from Viktor Frankl, the famous Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. He was describing the ability to maintain hope and find meaning in life in spite of horrendous pain, loss, and suffering.
This is not a Pollyanna thing, mind you. The most resilient among us don’t deny how grim a situation is; they get sad and stressed and angry like everyone else. They also see glimmers of light, no matter how dark things are.
That light keeps them going. Because of their tragic optimism they actually grow through the adversity.
Some people suffer for years after a traumatic experience. We’re all familiar with PTSD. As many or more of us exhibit what the experts call post-traumatic growth.
The key seems to be trying to make sense of what happened.
The aftermath of trauma is different for those who come to understand how it’s changed their life and even their sense of self. Emily Esfahani Smith writes about this search in The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness.
Smith says post-traumatic growth comes from searching for … and finding … positive meaning. Viktor Frankl called it “the human capacity to creatively turn life’s negative aspects into something positive or constructive.”
Some of us are naturally more hopeful than others. (Exhibit A: My sister Rebecca, who has a silver lining for every cloud.) But the research shows even the most despairing among us have the capacity to find meaning in a crisis.
And even in the worst disasters and upsets, when it seems that seeking the bright side is an impossible task, that’s exactly what resilient people do.
They find benefits from the experience.
And they grow in the process, psychologically and sometimes even physically. Smith points to studies of people who’d had heart attacks—those who found meaning in their health crises were more likely to be alive eight years later and they were in better health than those whose glass remained half empty.
As we look around now at people mourning those lost to COVID-19, at shuttered businesses and economic ruin, at the anger and despair dividing communities, we may not find much to smile about.
That would be okay with Viktor Frankl. Tragic optimism is not “Don’t worry. Be happy.” Frankl dismissed what he saw as an American preoccupation with telling people to be happy.
“Happiness cannot be pursued,” he said. “It must ensue.”
We’re advised sometimes to cope with this difficult situation by doing things that make us happy – playing games, doing puzzles, avoiding the news—it’s so negative! Indeed, those diversions might make us feel better. And that feeling is not likely to last.
On the other hand, when we search for meaning in the midst of difficulty, we may not feel happy. We might wind up doing something challenging. Working, volunteering, having a difficult conversation about real change and how to make it happen.
How does that meaning-seeking make people feel? In studies, they don’t use the word “happy.” They do say they feel enriched. Inspired. Part of something bigger.
I’ll take it! Won’t you?
Nobody’s happy about the situation we’re in; we wouldn’t wish this on our worst enemy. And yet, this is life in 2020. You’ve probably seen the memes about declaring the year over now; I understand why people might want to.
With just over half the year left to go, maybe we can seek meaning instead. How might you do that?
I know people who are engaging in difficult dialogue about racial disparity and persistent inequality. Others are volunteering their time or money. I’m being diligent about my gratitude practice. And about my work…because I always find meaning there.
And you? If you’re not ready to pull the covers over your head and hide until life goes back to normal, whatever “normal” means a few months from now, what are you doing instead?
Share a comment below about being a benefit finder or a meaning-seeker in this monumentally messy time.
Well put, I love your audio version, (heck you could do audio books and I would buy them to listen!)
As you know I am a positive person and yet all the calamity has made it difficult (at best) for me to stay true to me.
I have to actually work at it and catch negative things before they come out of my mouth (not easy for any man 🙂
I found spending a few extra moment looking at pictures of my boys really helps to get my inner peace, happiness, positive energy back, after all they are my everything.
find your everything and reflect for a moment.
I think most of us have to work at it now, Jacques — it’s work worth doing. I don’t want to gloss over the horror of what’s been happening. I also don’t want to add to the negativity.
Your approach, focusing on what’s most meaningful in your life, is one we can all experiment with. Thanks.
Dear Catherine,
Thank you for your inspiring and insightful blog. When I saw your post, I had just put down Jack Canfield’s “Success Principles to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want To Go.” This is one of my “business bibles.” I keep it next to my real bible. The pull of the recent tragic events across the nation led me to find solace and an anchor in God’s word and Canfield’s book, He said it is not the external things that stop us, it is ourselves. We can choose to change our response to the unexpected event. Change our thinking, change our behavior, change our attitude to create a different outcome. I believe that is akin to having tragic optimism. It is like looking for the ray of light in the darkness to guide us through life’s storm. It’s not easy, but it is a powerful and resilient way to go.
During this time, I am doing my best to keep a routine of daily exercise, write down my goals, and do at least one thing daily that gets me closer to reaching my goals. Sometimes, it’s doing nothing. The stillness creates space for my mind to wander, daydream, shut out the noise, and focus on honoring my purpose. This is how I am holding up during these difficult times.
Take care.
Tracey
Tracey, it makes so much sense — writing down goals and doing one thing to move closer to them. It also sounds just right that sometimes that one thing is doing nothing. That part’s hard for me; not that I’m necessarily doing something productive, but I find I want to occupy myself rather than just be. Often, I use twitter or Facebook for that. You can guess where that leads!
Staying in touch seems important too. I’m so glad you reached out here.
Thank you so much Catherine for your insight. Sometimes I really need help to stay positive. My wife and I have been doing just about anything we can think of to keep busy, including yard work, painting, cleaning, and resealing our front walk, porch, and walkout patio. I have also been building things out of my wood scrap pile.
Our church is having on line meditations everyday that I try to catch, and I do a pray devotional every morning. The hospital were I volunteer has just let us come back this week, with strict controls, so that helps a lot. You are so good at instructing others in helpful ways, I hope you will continue forever.
I admire people like you and Pat, Steve, getting things done as a way to stay positive. Sadly, my tendency is the opposite, not that there wouldn’t be plenty to do around here. I’m with you, though, on prayer and meditation. My quiet work makes a huge difference for me.
I also write every morning, including five things I’m grateful for today. Sometimes I have to sit for a while to find five, but I always get there sooner or later. Tomorrow, you’ll be on the list. Imagine having a comment on my blog from that cute boy at my grade school!
Hello Catherine ~ Thank you for your observations and help. I have been experiencing some apprehension at this onslaught of bad news and negativity. No matter what you look at i.e. TV, social media, radio and our own neighborhoods it is a constant barrage of what we are facing. Early in “lockdown”, I decided reaching out to friends, cousins and elders was the answer. I started with phone calls and then switched to letters and snail mail. <The elders loved that! It gave me the opportunity to write just a sweet note or even sometimes release my thoughts, which felt better.
I have always been a "glass half-full" type but week after week has taken a toll on me. Slowly getting some projects done and encouraged at a possible outdoor eating experience soon should help. My empathy for others is at the root of always getting back in a funk. My life is fine but I feel for my fellow man. So I started doing something for a few by baking banana bread and delivering. Who knew? Well off to write more letters and cutting out….5's…. for a drive-by celebration this weekend. I've cut 20 so far out of Neon Paper. That'll brighten things up, as you do also.
Writing actual letters is such a good idea, Amy. I’ve done just a tiny bit of that, and I keep thinking I should do more. I read way too much news — I find the whole situation so fascinating I just get drawn in. I’ve limited Facebook though. I generally love Facebook for the ability to be in touch with people I wouldn’t otherwise. (Childhood friends, for example!) But lately, I’ve had to give it some space. Way too much negativity there.
I have a tendency to think I should snap out of it, look on the bright side, etc. That’s why I found Frankl’s focus on meaning so helpful. It’s different than just putting on a happy face.
I’m guessing it’s somebody’s fifth birthday this weekend? Have a delightful– and meaningful — celebration!
Thank you for making your thoughts available. On the internet, lucidIty is a rarity. On social media the general level of literacy, intelligence, and empathy are cause for depression. Social media is wisely minimized.
The Time of Quarantine should be a time for getting one’s house in order, both figuratively and literally, in preparation for a more open future. Much as when you garden in the sun and do housekeeping in the rain, consider this time for the same thought process writ larger. (If you lack ideas for your activities, consult your significant other.)
Therefore when things open up again, you can enjoy knowing that many scut jobs have been accomplished, your papers are in order, the junk drawer has been lessened, Christmas cards have been addressed, the septic tank has been pumped, the furniture waxed,…
And, if you have already accomplished all that and more, take hubby to Door County. Wisconsin is open and you have the brains to enjoy it safely.
I had the best of intentions, my friend, about those “scut jobs.” I’m sorry to say, most of them remain undone. I have made some good use of the cloistering though — doing some learning, practicing new skills, and retooling my business a bit since speaking engagements are off the table (and the calendar) for the time being. As for finding meaning in all that’s gone on so far this year, I guess I’m still searching. I have moments of hope that we are laying the groundwork for healing. And those moments sustain me through the times when my thoughts are bleaker.