Listen to the audio version of this post here.
Your body whose choice?
You know how some pundits, pollsters, and politicians framed last week as the Boys vs. Girls Election.
It’s true that pre-election polling found a significant difference between men’s and women’s plans for casting their ballots.
As it turned out, of course, plenty of women and men voted for each of the presidential candidates. And, there was a gender divide. More of Kamala Harris’s support came from women, while Donald Trump courted—and won—the manosphere.
This may explain all those gleeful posts on X: “Your body, MY choice.” And there’s much more, and more graphic, misogyny to be found there and on other social media platforms.
And that may explain the surging interest in 4B.
No, 4B is not an apartment in the building down the street. Nor an official deferment from military service.
This 4B is a movement begun in South Korea five years ago. The B stands for “bi,” or “no.”
So, the four B’s are … Bisekseu—no sex with men. Bichulsan—no giving birth. Biyeonae—no dating men. And Bihon—no marriage to men.
Might seem like a radical response, but then South Korea has always been an extremely patriarchal society. The gender pay gap is almost twice what it is in the U.S. It’s probably not surprising that at some point, young women got tired of sexual violence, repression, and discrimination.
Some of them just decided to opt out.
They stopped wearing make-up, styling their hair, and dressing in ways designed to appeal to men. And many of them were quite blunt about their decision to separate themselves as much as possible from the men in their professional and personal lives.
Suddenly, Americans are interested.
Since last week’s election and the ensuing flurry of sexist gloating and taunting, Google searches for 4B have skyrocketed. Young women … and maybe some not so young … are reading what their Asian sisters have been up to. And some of them are ready to give it a try.
You can find a flurry of X posts and TikTok videos extoling the virtues of 4B and declaring independence from the patriarchy, many of them in graphic language.
And of course, all that social media activity is attracting considerable interest from the old-fashioned mainstream media.
The New York Times account begins with a young woman from Washington “encouraging women to take action by signing up for a self-defense class, deleting dating apps, getting on birth control, and investing in a vibrator.”
Call me old-fashioned, but all this sniping between men and women raises a question for me.
Can’t we all just get along?
You know me. My interest is communication. And so far, since the election, many folks don’t seem to be communicating all that well.
Feelings are hurt. Pride is wounded. And there’s plenty of fear about tariffs, health care, especially women’s health care, and what will unfold next. At least that’s true among some Americans.
Others are jubilant about a Republican administration running the show again. They’re glad to see progressives vanquished (don’t get them started on “woke.”) And they’re anticipating great changes in the United States.
Maybe it’s too soon to talk about bridging that gap? Seems to me it’s worth at least starting the process. Cutting off our hair, tossing out our mascara, and forswearing male company doesn’t seem like the best way to do that.
I’m for creating conversations.
Yes, it’s most comfortable to talk with people who share my opinions and my feelings. I’m clear though that there are people in my world who don’t. And I’m not prepared to end all those relationships. (Especially if it involves shaving my head and never going on a date!)
So, I’ve been socializing with some friends who voted as I did. And with some who didn’t. So far, all of those conversations have been fine. Some have even been fun.
If you’re living in a bubble with people who see things the same way you do, I’d encourage you to have one conversation this week with a friend, neighbor, or colleague who has a different point of view.
And of course, I’d also encourage you to let me know how your conversations are going.
Once again you help open our eyes and minds to current events with a fresh perspective. Thank you, Catherine!
And thank you, Kris, for reading and responding!
Love this one! The filaments of society seem to be wearing so thin these days and I believe, like you do, that the only healing comes from repairing the rips that have been so clearly exposed.
Yes, Dorothy, and repairing those rips could be quite a challenge. The sad thing is, only half of us seem to be interested in doing that work.
Wow, I hadn’t heard about the 4B trend but I predict that, at least in the US, it will be short lived. 🤔
I was shocked and horrified by the election results, but have made up my mind to let it go, to move on. Most of my friends are like minded, but I do know people who aren’t and am working to be more open minded about other points of view.
I do not find it easy but I desperately want something positive to come of this situation, so I’m radiating love to you all as best I can. 🥰
Thanks for that radiating, Linda. We can all use a little more love right about now. (And, I’m finding some people easier to love than others …)
Thank you Catherine! I am actively making sure I am not getting information within an echo chamber. Talking to others with alternative points of view is a part of that process. Too often I think we get stuck in a mindset of being on the “correct” side of an issue if we are only hearing what we want to hear and agree with. The answer is always somewhere in the middle.
Funny, Julie. I just now had a conversation with my housekeeper who did not vote the way I did. I value her, and I value her opinions. At the same time, I found it hard to understand how she could be so wrong! 😉 I need to work on what you mentioned about being stuck in a mindset of being on the “correct” side of an issue.
We need some performances of Lysistrata around the country!
Yes, I thought of that too, Erica. For the uninitiated: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lysistrata
I keep hoping to wake up from this surreal dream. I knew he had a chance as a third of America’s eligible voters voted for him the last two times. But I was excited about Kamala Harris. I think she is one of the most qualified presidential candidates we’ve had maybe since Bill (Hillary) Clinton.
I understood in 2016 he was different and people were hoping for a change. Unfortunately, in 2024 we knew what we were getting and that it was likely going to be worse. I decided it was important to find out why people voted for him.
After digging through the usual misogyny, racist, and sexist tropes, I found a far more insidious reason why people voted for him – a lack of knowledge and understanding of the basic tenets of the United States government and its foundation.
Our education system has been slowly and consistently dismantled since the 80s. I graduated high school in 1986. At that time, personal finance courses had already been removed from the curriculum. Since then, there has been an erosion of civics and government courses, vocational and humanities courses. Meanwhile, math has been poorly taught so many students end up in the same level class virtually from 7th grade to 12th grade. We have succeeded in dumbing-down of America.
I had a letter ready to go to President Harris with ideas to change and strengthen the US K-12 education system. Sadly, that letter won’t be sent, and it will be another four years of dialing back educational standards for our young people. Hopefully it will only be four years.
You raise such an important issue, Robyn. Schools are so different today than when we were students, and most of those changes have not been for the better. If Trump & Co. follow through on their plans to eliminate the Department of Education, a lot of the people who voted for him may be very surprised–and unhappy–about what happens to the schools in their community.